The flashbacks! They just won’t stop! ／(^o^)＼ﾅﾝﾃｺｯﾀｲ

Edit: Looks like they’re actually going re-air Onegai Teacher now on TokyoMX after 10 years lol.

Saito’s Otaku tendencies take over.

It's Index! I mean....Lemon-chan!

レモンちゃん！(*´Д｀)/ヽァ/ヽァ

Sadly before he could get any further fatty next door cockblocked them cause apparently that hotel has paper walls And then at the end Louise gets captured by some pedobear who wants to NTR Saito. (　´_ゝ`) Oh I almost forgot about the part where Titwhoreania shoved her giant melons into Saito’s face.

Upcoming Attractions: Louise is getting harassed by pedobear while Saito goes to try and save her.

P.S. The ending theme was so terrible this is all I remember:

くぎゅうううううううううううううううううううううううううう

Zero no Tsukaima III – 01 (originally posted on 07/06/2008)

Woo hoo! You know you’ve been blogging too long when you’ve blogged season 1 2 and now 3 as they aired in Japan.

Damn these animators. They know how to hook line and sinker me. They put kissing in the first 5 minutes before the opening scene!! But then they also piss me off and set off my fangirl rage alarm by also adding in some whore cockblocking!! Damn it all to hell!

Damn you big boobed cockblocking maid whore!

Also the best part of the opening:

So umm yea Louise and Saito go on some mission to find the boob fairy again who revived Saito in season 2 (giving us a crappy ending etc.) Then Louise gets all tsuntsun because well Saito’s “contract” as her tsukaima has disappeared into thin air. So now she’s all tsun and thinking he doesn’t care about her until some other big boobed whore sends her stupid looking minions to attack Louise. Saito then comes to her rescue as always and yells out his usual “I’m a man protecting the woman I fell in love with!” thing and Louise all like deredere.

So then they visit the Henrietta (who’s a big slut too but manages to hide it better), and she wants to award Saito a chance to be a kizoku. But he refuses and tells her about how he has no more powers due to the tsukaima seal disappearing. Soo that night they sleep over and Louise has yet another dream about Saito leaving her. She wakes up crying and runs outside in her undergarments to Saito. There she quickly goes from tsun to dere because Saito knows how to handle his woman by this point.

He tells her that for now they are “man and woman” and says “let’s continue in the bedroom” LULZ and it seems to work until the dere effect wears off and she blows him up and then ignores him the following day. Apparently Louise can’t seem to get it on unless it’s night time.

Here’s my predictions for this season:
Eps. 2-7 – Saito’s face lands into someone else’s boobs, Louise gets pissed, explosions ensue.
Eps. 8-11 – Some stupid plot point comes out, another battle happens, Saito trains to get stronger, Louise tsun’s away on her own. Maybe a boob in face or two.
Ep. 12 – Saito saves everyone, makes out with Louise, maybe scores (if we get lucky. )

Censored no Tsukaima III – 02 (originally posted on 07/13/2008)

So umm is this JC Staff’s new way of getting people to buy the DVDs? Censoring their pointless fanservice? What is this Junjou Romantica? As if we haven’t seen Siesta’s panties or boob groping before.

So uh after some stupid fighting with Siesta and Siesta being a whore as usual pressing her milk jugs against Saito, Louise got upset as usual. It didn’t help when Saito was mauled by Tiffania (or should we sai TITania?) and then Louise got so pissed at her huge cans that she began to fondle them (which was obviously the censored parts. They weren’t even like nude geez big deal.) So then the big slut on her flying sting ray summons more wolves to attack Louise. Louise tries to use explosions to get rid of them but eventually gives in and attempts to summon Saito again. And for some shocking reason – it works.

And so they perform the tsukaima ceremony again and Saito is back to normal. That was anticlimatic

And by the end, Louise has forgotten about everyone else’s existence and goes back to being tsun (and dere) with Saito while he obediently obeys like a dog (literally.)

LOL I thought they were gonna get it on right in front of everyone.

Upcoming Attractions: Boobs.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 03 (originally posted on 07/20/2008)

Wait, what just happened? There was actual attempted plot? Despite what the preview made me think the episode actually wasn’t about boobs. There were a lot more tit jokes in season 2 and now they seem to be ironically toning it down. That boob we saw in the preview was about as much boobage as you’d get this week. Otherwise the focus was on the flying evil whore and her pimp, and then followed by Saito being given the title of being one of the royal knights. In addition Siesta became his “maid” (damn that whore) much to Louise’s dismay. Titania (who likes to be called Tifa – *insert FF7 joke here*) had described as a) being a half elf b) being able to use magic but forgetting it because it was during the time her mother got captured c) being Henrietta’s cousin (wtfbbq.) At the end it looked like Saito was taken to some kind of bachelor party in celebration of his knighthood.

Upcoming Attractions: More raburabu scenes between Louise and Saito (hooray 0/)

Zero no Tsukaima III – 04 (originally posted on 07/27/2008)

If you thought JC Staff forgot about fanservice, this episode will prove you on therefore it can be summarized in a couple simple screencaps. Louise was having a dream where she finally got to sexor Saito.

Some random bitch at the school wasn’t happy that a half-elf was enrolled and wanted to make elf soup out of her. Due to the bitch not giving in to Saito’s pleas, they had to take action and fight her “army” which caused a lot of noise.

The noise woke up Louise, and she came down and blew them all up.

She then told the bitch that she’s a fake little shit causing her to cry into Titania’s breasts because she has a big …heart.

While recovering from battle in the hospital, Titania wanted Saito to touch her rack to make sure it’s real. Louise and Siesta walked in on them. Whipping ensues. Just as keikaku.

Upcoming Attractions: The bath scene. Expect more hooters.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 05 (originally posted on 08/04/2008)

Now only if you told this to him in person Louise, I think all our problems would be solved.

You tell them Saito! How dare they feast their eyes on your loli!

So as expected, there was a bath episode. I expected more detailed groping but based on the way this season is going, I guess they’re saving that for the DVDs. I saw mostly fog, but whatever. At least all the mans got their punishment for being treacherous bastards.

And also things were going really really well here:

Until Tabitha the cockblocker woke up and ruined everything. Well not like anyone didn’t see that coming.

But at least afterwards Saito was more than willing to sign that contract, although I LOLed because now Louise also has a “flat chest” rival. Although I really think they brought Tabitha to a new low with this episode ^^; I honestly thought she would possibly be more than just harem fodder but apparently not.

Upcoming Attractions: UGH. YURI. I think I’ll skip a blogging week unless I have to sit through that shit to see some Louise x Saito.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 06 (originally posted on 08/10/2008)

………… This episode sucked ass.

So here’s a picture of some bootleg yaoi to combat all the yuri scenes. The end sucked ass too cause the flying stingray whore came back and is making Tabitha work for her. Bah serious business lame excuse for plot etc.

Upcoming Attractions: Hopefully kissing, between the Louise and Saito kind.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 07 (originally posted on 08/17/2008)

In the words of JP, “This show has become a running boob joke.”

To spare you from watching it, here’s a brief summary. Siesta the big whore challenges Louise to a duel on who Saito will chose between the two. (And they argue about this in bed.) There’s a “costume” ball coming up where people look into a mirror and become their “idolized” persona. Louise orders Saito to “find her” and she will let him “continue where they left off.” Unfortunately for Louise, Henrietta attends this ball too and she changes herself to look like Louise while Louise changes into the body of her older sister. So baka Saito ends up kissing Henrietta (although he thinks it’s Louise until the magic wears off.) Unfortunately Louise catches the two in the act and runs off crying.

In the forest she’s hypnotized by stingray whore and then Saito has a stupid fight with Tabitha. Tabitha quickly changes her mind because no woman in this show can resist Saito’s pheromones.

Afterwards Louise snaps out of it and the stingray can’t take her tsuntsunness so it kicks her off and Saito catches her. Louise tries to protests but he knows how to shut her up.

And then at the end the whore unleashes her army of fugly things which are quickly destroyed by…

Some guy who’s apparently back from the dead. *Cue my boyfriend’s back.* I mean why bother adding plot elements? Just stick with your stupid breast jokes at that seems to waste most of the episode anyway.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 08 (originally posted on 08/24/2008)

Kabitzin was right. She really did revive him with her titties!

An efficient way to catch Saito.

Well that was certainly unexpected and revolting. Kirsche must have a jiji fetish or something. Despite the fact that Louise was being a fucking annoying bitch (well more than usual) this week, thanks to her stupidity (and Tiffania’s magic tools) they were able to find out about Tabitha and her cahoots with the bad guys.

In addition, Tabitha went back to her abandoned shack only to find an elf man who instantly kicks her ass telling her that he was ordered to capture and bring her back. Interesting, I bet he’s somehow related to Tiffania’s tragic life story too.

Upcoming Attractions: Louise is jealous of Saito and the princess. Sigh.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 09 (originally posted on 08/31/2008)

Put some clothes on Filia!

Well I guess adding boobs to Saito wasn’t enough and now they’ve added boobs to Sylpheed (and turned IT into a naked girl.) I also like how the dragon calls itself Tabitha’s sister but clearly as some others have mentioned she looks nothing like her and has a huge rack.

Oh before I forget, in addition to dragon tits they also added some man boob fondling. Why don’t they just call it Titties no Tsukaima?

So since like Saito and company opposed the princess they were thrown in jail. Louise asked Henrietta what she thinks of Saito and why she kissed him at the masquerade ball. Henrietta just responded with “I was lonely and wanted someone to comfort me” so Louise was all like “oh so it coulda been ANYONE? aight bitch I quit being your loyal ass kisser.” And so Louise was thrown into jail too but that made Saito really happy that she finally opposed the royal class stuff that he probably woulda done here in that cell had the other 2 cockblockers not been in there.

In the end as usual Kirsche and her sex slave Colbert saved them and so everyone is now gonna go save Tabitha…who is next in line to take the “soul erasing” medicine. Oh and the biggest kicker as to why that dude is doing it? “He’s bored.” At the end Sylpheed reveals to everyone that she’s the naked big boobed chick and fatty gets all depressed cause he fell in love with a furry.

Upcoming Attractions: Whore pull your skirt down.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 10 (originally posted on 09/08/2008)

This week our heroes decide to play Ragnarok Online.

First up is our swordsman Saito!

Then we have our merchant!

Our clown.

Then we got 2 dancers.

Two female priests.

And then we have our female merchant.

Alright guys time to go kick ass in the War of Emperium save Tabatha!

Other notes of interest were that Louise was told by Siesta that she can’t boss her around as she is no longer loyalty but just a plain old human like herself. With this thought Louise thinks to herself that she now has no one except Saito to rely on. While they are walking through the forest she hurts her leg and tells Saito that she’ll be fine because she’s now alone and she needs to be able to take care of herself. Saito of course being a gentleman for once actually offers to piggyback her and while she act all tsuntsun about it she eventually goes deredere and shuts up.

Also at the end Anrieass goes ape shit after seeing Colbert’s face. Meh not this shit again.

Upcoming Attractions: The dancers perform for the commoners resting in Prontera after battle.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 11 (originally posted on 09/14/2008)

Louise doesn’t only catch Saito’s eyes this week but also the eyes of a flat chest lover erojiji. In addition, Tiffania should probably refrain from doing stage dancing that involves her melons shaking because it looks like it could give her a serious back injury.

So umm Louise decides she doesn’t wanna be left out of the ho brigade so she decides to try the dance thing too. She also suddenly realizes that ecchi Saito is in fact arousing to her so she decides to be a cock tease.

Of course Saito can’t hold his boner in any longer and he’s totally about to mack her…

…until of course we get the usual cockblocking.

By the end of the episode, suddenly elf man changes his mind about fighting them when Tiffania says “he must have a good reason for doing this!” Uhmm okay whatever. Nobody cares about this half assed plot anyway. And so they save Tabitha and Colbert is also freed.

Upcoming Attractions: Stingray whore and her pimp take over, Louise finally gets to do it with Saito (I hope) in the grand finale.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 12 (Finale) (originally posted on 09/21/2008)

So what exactly did this season accomplish? Ah yes, adding Tabitha to Saito’s never ending harem and adding a little more deredere to Louise. If you’ve skipped watching the last couple eps and you aren’t convinced to finish watching this series let me summarize this episode for you in one sentence: Saito & co. fight a big golem created by Stingray whore and they defeat it because Louise gets jealous of Tabitha making out with Saito. The end.

And at the end Louise gets all deredere and makes out with Saito in one of the cabins of that flying ship thing. Then Louise & Saito become Henrietta’s loyal army again and Tabitha latches on to Saito making Louise jealous etc. etc. etc……you get where this is going. Nothing was really resolved, that dude and his whore are probably coming back at some point in season 4. I can’t take much more of this torture, if I am somehow blogging season 4 I’ll have to kick myself in the face.

(“if I am somehow blogging season 4 I’ll have to kick myself in the face.” Looks like it’s kicking time! -jpmeyer)

Zero no Tsukaima II – 01 (originally posted on 07/09/2007)

Louise, flat chests turn me on. Let's do it during the opening credits.

I squeeled.

I danced around my computer desk.

I rooted for the ball game.

Come on Louise, just a little lower.

I groaned. =_=;

So while Louise rages of jealousy are back, I’m glad to see more of her dere dere side come out because Saito needs some lovin (and some spankin’ for trying to be a manho.)

Upcoming Attractions: Henrietta gets herself some man ass.

Zero no Tsukaima II – 02 (originally posted on 07/15/2007)

See I told you Henrietta gets ass!! But nobody believed me. I never said it had to be non-zombie ass but anyway. I guess they used magic to revive him back to life but as an evil zombie! I mean who ever gets revived to be GOOD? It’s like in that movie My Boyfriend’s Back. All he did was eat people! So anyway he tells her to “Come with him” and then recites their “promise” from 3 years ago. She promptly falls for it and that’s when Saito & Louise hear about her kidnapping.

So eventually after catching up to the princess (with the help of Kirsche and Tabitha), Louise and Saito attempt to stop him from taking her away. Unfortunately she only sees him in her eyes and nothing else so she blindly uses her magic against Saito as well. Eventually Saito manages to hold off a massive hurricane produced by the two of them, while Louise chants a spell breaker…which for some reason rather than breaking a spell totally fries Wales. He then appears to return to his normal form while asking Henrietta to make a promise to “forget about him” and after more crying ensues, he dies for the 2nd time.

Boy that was shortlived.

Upcoming Attractions: Looks like more rivalry between Louise & Siesta.

Zero no Tsukaima II – 03 (originally posted on 07/22/2007)

Bah! The preview of last week was misleading! There was only like 2 seconds of Siesta combined with a boob joke. W/e. >_> So anyway this week focuses on a character with a parodied name and background – Julius Ceasar of “Romaria” harrrrr (x1000). So it seems all the boys at school are getting drafted into the army because of the war. All the girls are crying and weeping with their boyfriends, until of course Julius shows up and swoons them all. As typical, he has interest in only Louise, which makes Kirsche jealous, pisses Saito off and creates a step ladder for more predictability to come.

He challenges Saito to a battle for “Louise’s kiss”. Saito realizes that his only power comes from that seal on his hand, so he doesn’t actually have any swordsman battle skills. He asks that mage hating lady to help him train. As usual JC Staff puts in the “Louise shows up at the wrong time” joke and gets pissed off and blows Saito to pieces. When the next day Saito is ready for battle, Momo actually cheers him on because she doesn’t want Julius to kiss Louise.

Julius purposely loses the fight and Saito realizes this. He gets pissed off and walks away, despite Louise saying that it’s okay for him to kiss her. Wow so like in season 2, Louise is all like deredere with him, but he has to be a dick about everything now. It’s like they were totally reversed. When he wanted her in S. 1 she was all too tsuntsun, now she’s all dere dere and he’d rather have a harem. Bah! So then it turns out Julius is an ally hired by Henrietta and she asks them to cooperate with him. As usual he kisses Louise’s hand, pisses Saito off etc.

Upcoming Attractions: Boobfest – Louise’s onee-samatachi come over to play. =_=;

Zero no Tsukaima II – 04 (originally posted on 07/29/2007)

"OH SHIT I JUST TOLD LOUISE I LOVE HER!" There's hope for this show after all!

ROCK THE BOAT GUYS! Wow what a steamy episode xDDD Well it satisfied 200% my inner Louise x Saito fangirl despite the fact that there was a disgusting Louise x Siesta makeout/boob grab scene. JP told me the novels are smutty like this; too bad my kanji sucks and I wouldn’t be able to figure out where the smut is anyway XD. But anyway as usual I bring you the breakdown play by play!

"Alright you can touch ONE body part...(but please do more)"

"SCORE!!!"

I started getting School Days flashbacks

"Damn Saito! I mean...keep going!"

It's getting hot in here (ho!) so take off all your clothes! etc

owned.

So while I’m glad Saito finally decided to hit that, it seems like it involved Louise’s family pushing her to get married..except of course the nice big-boobed oneesama…who ironically was not the one Inoue Kikuo was voicing. I dunno why Siesta is all of a sudden “I’m gonna take Saito from you Miss Varielle! (SP?)” but it’s annoying. I hate you Siesta. I hate all the women in this show who make Saito stray.

Upcoming Attractions: Something about Louise’s sisters being accused of stealing? I just saw someone’s shirt being ripped off with boobs exposed o_O;

Zero no Tsukaima II – 05 (originally posted on 08/05/2007)

Yay 600 posts! So this week seems more like a story based episode. Seems like the “criminal” with the boob mark was amongst the good guys! Also Julius’ “The girls willingly showed me their breasts” comment made me laugh ;D. As far as Louise x Saito go….too much Saito abuse this week. It gave me vibes of season 1 all over again and how freaking tsuntsun Louise was. God she even bought a whip you probably use in some sort of S&M play ^^;;;;;;; I also realized that when Saito discovered that Louise’s blonde sister is flat, the blonde basically represents Season 1 Louise, while the pink hair big boob neesama represents a little of Season 2 Louise. Well here’s to seeing more of Season 2 Louise, cause the tsuntsun sucks!! D:< It's only good if it happened in School Days with Makoto (he should be beaten with 3 of those whips.)

P.S. Siesta is just being a god damn whore now.

Upcoming Attractions: Oh great. Saito gets it on with Henrietta next week.

Zero no Tsukaima II – 06 (originally posted on 08/12/2007)

I’m glad that there was a good chunk of storyline but Henrietta’s whoreness made me roll my eyes numerous times. JP told me in the novel she keeps trying to screw Saito but at the last minute he chickens out or something. Until this episode I had no idea Henrietta had a huge rack. I mean I forgot if I was watching Zero no Tsukaima or Onegai Henrietta. Also wtf is with the constantly Louise makeout scenes? Is she supposed to make out with every man or woman in this show? Next thing we’ll see Julius kissing her and probably Henrietta will join that bandwagon too. Ugh, do not want. Next plz.

Upcoming Attractions: Siesta in a high school uniform. Do not want. Next…please dear god please no more of this! T_T

Zero no Tsukaima II – 07 (originally posted on 08/19/2007)

Really, I wish this woulda happened instead.

So JP told me that in Harry Potter, there’s a hidden door in the girl’s bathroom too. My eyes did a 360 roll to the back of my head. Also is Saito hanging out with Makoto lately? Cause Saito’s hormone levels are at an all time peak this season. Unfortunately for Saito, he gets punished, while Makoto gets away with it. Also Agnes is a bulldyke. Lol. She fit the look/act pretty well but this about confirmed it.

Zero no Tsukaima II – 10 (originally posted on 09/09/2007)

Wow ZnT has become serious business. So as you can tell the only scene that I enjoyed in this episode is when they were stuck in the ice dome. Just as I predicted on cue “now she’s gonna strip” and so she did lol. The rest of the episode felt fillariciously retarded especially when they introduce a 1 ep. character who you will never see again. I don’t even know/nor was I paying attention on what the hell their actual mission was…nor did it matter anyway. The last few weeks it was all seriousness and fighting and not as fanservicey. I’m all good with that but when it’s completely random and thrown in like this week…I think I’d rather see Saito-and-his-harem episodes instead.

Upcoming Attractions: Beats me, the preview inhaled deeply.

Zero no Tsukaima II – 11 (originally posted on 09/16/2007)

wut

Upcoming Attractions: Louise & Saito get married Romeo & Juliet style, then Saito dies or something. (NO he probably won’t really die)

Boob no Tsukaima II – 12 (Finale) (originally posted on 09/16/2007)

I'll just pretend the episode ended here.

P.S. Nice Boat.

(“If there’s a sequel to this I don’t think I wanna bother watching it.”—but despite that, we’ve got season 3 tomorrow. And season three means one, er two things: SACKS OF LACTATING FAT. -jpmeyer)

Zero no Tsukaima – 02 (originally posted on 07/09/2006)

Manslave Part 2

That's right manslave, your dinner is on the FLOOR

Hi, I have to flirt with you in order for Louise to feel a sense of jealousy so that we may fall in love at the end of this series.

Pwnage time biatches!

Coming next week: Louise and big boobed red head duel over Saito!

Zero no Tsukaima – 03 (originally posted on 07/16/2006)

I promise I won't call you a zero, and I won't say that your boobs are zero and...aw shit!

Is she kissing him? I can't tell.

Kick...in the face.

Upcoming Attractions: Something to do with the maid chick.


Zero no Tsukaima – 04 (originally posted on 07/23/2006)

Better watch out Louise!

Based on this episode I learned that Maids in this show are:
1. Fragile and weak
2. Like the protagonist
3. Are forced into some kind of sexual act
4. Are saved from doing #3 by the protagonist
5. Will be a rival for the main female of the show

Whatever else I had to write about this episode flew out of my brain because I had to download this stupid episode again just so I could take screenshots. Man why can’t people just stick to DIVX or XVID these days??

Zero no Tsukaima – 07 (originally posted on 08/13/2006)

When I said kiss, I meant on the hand not on the lips you romantic bastard!

And if you call me flat chested 1 more time I'm gonna shove this bottle of wine right up your...!

Aw Saito you sleeping jerk, look who you got next to you!

You look so...Tres Bien!

Upcoming Attractions: Saito and the maid girl take a bath together, Louise gets jealous, and the Ayanami Rei clone Tabatha’s name is in the episode title.

Zero no Tsukaima – 09 (originally posted on 08/27/2006)

I thought I could stop blogging it but this week’s episode is probably my favorite one of the whole series.

Aw shit.

Bah they were so close.

Ok ok I love you, now calm down woman.

Nice 3D effect

Gosh I miss the deredere Louise, now the series has become crappy again boo.

Upcoming Attractions: Louise has some old bearded dude hit on her.

Zero no Tsukaima – 10 (originally posted on 09/04/2006)

Man that bearded man loses for 2 reasons:
1. He’s a freaking lolicon.
2. He has a beard and it makes him look even more like a lolicon by adding 20 years to his age.

I’m glad that Louise’s feelings for Saito, and his feelings for Louise are starting to crack so we should see development of that soon…or possibly just because the show ends in 3 weeks. I’ve made some “fake fansub” screencaps (which I translated) that basically cover the important parts of this episode.

In order:

Ya so seriously I wouldn’t mind a love rival, but not this guy because he just looks like an ero-oyaji.

Upcoming Attractions: Louise gets married to the old jiji? I hope not.

Zero no Tsukaima – 11 – YES! (originally posted on 09/10/2006)

OMIGAH FINALLY!!! (see the last image to understand why I’m throwing confetti)

So yea here’s a quick roundup of this week’s episode:

Saito cries because Louise is ditching him for the pedophile and when she tries to comfort him, he just gets pissed because she doesn’t understand his innocent boyish heart, and then she tells him she’s marrying the old fart and leaves.

Louise and the old fart (yes I know his name is Ward but he shall now be known as old fart on this blog) go on a flying boat to Arabia (?) or something to deliver the letter to another blonde dude (but he was kinda hot) from the princess. The blonde dude is a total womanizer and hits on Louise (just kidding) and tells her that it’s his duty to protect this country blah blah blah.

Before Louise can turn around, the old fart grabs her and says he needs her and basically spill the beans that he’s on the bad guys side and the same side as the golem chick. He says they will marry here and when Louise tries to run away, some ugly dude hypnotizes her with a magic ring so that her mind is free but her body is being controlled like a puppet. The old fart forces her to marry him with the blonde dude as the “priest”.

The blonde prince dude of course has no idea Louise is being controlled, the old fart says she’s just “nervous”. When he asks “do you take this man” stuff her hypnotized body says “I do” but inside she’s screaming “someone help me!”. And of course just in time Saito comes barging through the doors and yells “LOUISE!” like in a cheesy American movie. Louise snaps outta her trance and then Saito kicks the old fart’s ass, but not before the old fart can stab and kill the prince dude. He also manages to burn a church and steal the response letter from the blonde dude to the princess. He said he got 2 of his missions accomplished out of 3. The 3rd one was to have Louise.

But the old fart’s efforts were in vain cause we all know LOUISE WANTS TO HAVE SAITO’S BABIES W00t!!!

Upcoming Attractions: Louise gets jealous of Saito getting a bit too friendly with other women…again.

Zero no Tsukaima – 12 (originally posted on 09/17/2006)

See I told you there would be an episode eventually where she was embarrased to be naked around him!

Saito who is extremely excited about this, asks Siesta if he can go to the village with her. She says it’s okay and the two of them ride off together…right in front of Louise who was planning to apologize to Saito. When they get to the village, Kirsche, that blonde guy, Tabitha and Louise and the sensei all end up meeting them there. Of course Louise’s excuse is she “just wanted to learn more stuff with the teacher” or some crap. In the cave the sword makes fun of them for having a married quarrel ;D.

Anyway it turns out that that “Dragon” is actually an old army jet plane with the “dragon” kanji or whatnot written on it. It was the plane that Siesta’s grandpa used and so Saito explained that her grandpa and himself both came from the same world, Japan. Saito said that’s why he felt a familiar feeling when he was around Siesta. (I guess that means all those chefs are from like other countries or something!) Saito says he knows a way to make it move and asks the sensei for that bottle of chemical that he found…which was actually gasoline. ^^;

Saito gets into the cockpit to check out the controls and he knows them all. (Army Otaku?) Louise is upset (but still acts tsundere) because now there’s a possibility that Saito will leave her. The thing is, he can only leave I think when the moon and the sun line up or something? So he’s gonna wait for that day to fly back to his world. Of course the bad guys have to spoil the fun, and plan an attack on this village…on the same day that Saito is supposed to go back. My prediction for the finale is, he has to go back, but Louise is in danger, so he decides to not go back and instead save Louise and then she stops being tsundere and is all like SAITO I LOVE YOU and they live happily ever after (or she whips him for some random reason.)

Upcoming Attractions: Zero no Tsukaima finale!

Zero no Tsukaima – 13 (Finale) (originally posted on 09/24/2006)

YAYY!!! I’m so happy with the ending ^______^! (even though my left eye is twitching again!!) Louise is being tsundere as usual so when Saito tells her that the time for him to leave is soon she just says how she’s happy for him and he can finally go back to his world. He’s mad that she doesn’t seem “sad” about his leaving and goes to sleep on his haystack. Louise comes home after a meeting about the war and touches Saito’s sleeping face and says “goodbye”. The next morning Saito wakes up with a note (lol) that says “you’re fired.” ^^;

Louise volunteers to help Henrietta fight against Warudo and his goons. Henrietta’s outfit looked …strangely familiar. Anyway in the meantime Saito is getting ready to fly on his plane thing. He successfully launches and with the help of Tabitha’s magic he flies into the air. Tabitha is worried about him flying alone so she follows him (along with Kirsche) on the dragon thing. When Saito flies over the warzone he’s so shocked and angry that he starts using the airplane to shoot fire at the bad guys. Louise sees this and then sees that Warudo is fighting him as well.

She can’t take it anymore so with the help of Tabitha’s dragon, she flies up to where Saito is and jumps down into his plane (using magic so that she doesn’t fall down completely). Saito is surprised that she’s there but she yells in her tsundere way “I can’t leave you like this can I!?” Warudo is still chasing the two of them and at this point Saito is already fresh out of bullets. All he can do is just absorb Warudo’s attacks.

Suddenly that thing on Saito’s hand goes all crazy and like totally takes over Louise’s brain. She gets like this crazy power and basically blows the hell out of Warudo, his ship, and all the bad guys on it. Louise becomes unconscious and Saito basically misses his chance to go back to his world. Oh yea Kirsche, Tabitha & Guiche defeated the chick with the golems. Eventually we see Saito sitting near his crashed plane with an unconscious Louise. She wakes up and calls him an idiot and stupid dog because he missed his chance to go back. But then she goes from tsun tsun to deredere and does this:

And so Saito an Louise live happily ever after…well almost until Louise sees him flirting with Siesta again and well you know what happens. ^^; Well overall I enjoyed the series and recently I downloaded the novels so I’ll start reading those soon.

(Tomorrow: season 2, and—kyah!—kissing! -jpmeyer)

ｱﾋｬﾋｬﾋｬﾋｬﾋｬ(ﾟ∀ﾟ(ﾟ∀ﾟ(ﾟ∀ﾟ(ﾟ∀ﾟ)ﾟ∀ﾟ)ﾟ∀ﾟ)ﾟ∀ﾟ)ｱﾋｬﾋｬﾋｬﾋｬ

oh god stomach hurts from laughing ( ﾟ∀ﾟ)･∵ﾌﾞﾊｯ!!

Oh yes!

I actually liked Onegai Teacher though but I admit I think Kei was a lot hotter than Jin-tan Kaito.

fun fact: "kizumonogatari" is japanese for "cumdumpstory"

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fall 2007 day 3: boobnaut and goshuushousama ninomiya-kun (originally posted on 10/04/2007)

I watched Dragonaut: The Resonance first. I thought I was getting Starship Troopers. I coulda sworn that one preview that I read said that the show had “people fighting aliens with mecha”. What I got was…Divergence Eve. More than anything else, the one thing that stuck out the most (HAR HAR) from this show were the ridiculously enormous bakunyuu boobs on the mature ladies of this show. This of course made perfect sense when I saw that this show has the same character designer as Gravion and Witchblade.

ridiculous boobs #1

ridiculous boobs #1a

We watched this episode on Nico Nico Doga later. They took the site down for maintenance while we were watching it so we didn’t get to see the whole episode. For what we did get to see (about 16 minutes or so), the majority of the comments were about the boobs. “CHICHI DEKEEEEE!” and “SUGEEEEEE” and “KYONYUUwwwwwww” and “OPPAIwwwwww” and so on. It seemed like the only non-boob comments were when people joked about Eva or the fact that the whole cast of Haruhi is in the show.

ridiculous boobs #2

Then we watched that Ninomiya-kun show, which was fucking gawdawful. It’s gotta be just as bad as myself; yourself. The whole time our comments were basically “LOL I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I’VE SEEN THAT BEFORE LOL”. Just another magical girlfriend show with a female lead that does annoying shit that I’m assuming is considered moe.

ridiculous boobs #3

So Ninomiya-kun is a oh fuck no and Dragonaut will probably have to get watched on the train, since Hinano will only watch it if the boy and girl hold hands more.

dragonaut: the fiasco (originally posted on 10/30/2007)

One of my favorite blogs is Nathan Rabin’s My Year in Flops at The Onion AV Club. Rabin reappraises two (usually infamous) movie bombs each week and gives them a grade on a three point scale (inspired by one such flop, Elizabethtown): failure, fiasco, and secret success. Failure and secret success are pretty easy to understand. A failure is a bomb that well, really is a bomb. It’s just wholly unenjoyable and fails on just about every level. A secret success isn’t necessarily a great movie, but one that at the very least deserves a second look. It probably failed because it wasn’t marketed (or couldn’t be marketed) properly or came out at the wrong time and not because it was bad.

sign #1 of an impending fiasco

Fiasco is harder to pin down. A fiasco is probably insanely ambitious or ambitiously insane. You can’t believe what you’re seeing with a fiasco. To compare a failure to a fiasco, in a failure you’d have a terrible actor who’s terribly miscast and terribly botches all of his scenes. In a fiasco, however you’d have something like Rabin’s hypothetical situation where “It’d be like the makers of Rush Hour deciding that nobody would want to see an action movie starring a guy who sounds like a hysterical 10-year-old girl and having Barry White come in and dub all of Chris Tucker’s lines (“Aw, yeah, do you understand the sexy, sexy words coming out of my mouth?”)”

sign #2 of an impending fiasco

Dragonaut started out as a somewhat interesting show, but is quickly entering fiasco territory. The first sign were the ginormous gazongas on many of the female characters like Dr. Kitajima and Makina. They aren’t like sexy anime girl big, but like freakishly large. Like someone clearly has a raging bakunyuu fetish large. Then to hammer that home, we get these fanservice scenes (which normally wouldn’t trigger any sort of mental alert) which then make them look even more ridiculously huge. Episode 3 had some gems here.

sign #3 of an impending fiasco

Then we’ve got the CG. I don’t remember if there was any CG in the first episode. The subtext of this statement is that if there was any CG (was that werewolf dude CG? I forget), it didn’t draw any attention to itself. Episode 2 gave us our first look of awful CG when Toa turns into a dragon. This set off the fiasco alarm, but again this was just one shot. But wow, episode 3. Episode 3 gave us tons of CG dragons, and they looked perhaps even more awful than the glimpse of Toa in the previous episode.

sign #4 of an impending fiasco

But what pushes the awful CG from failure territory into fiasco territory is the presentation. Bad CG and Gonzo goes together like well, I don’t know but uh, two things that are predictably bad that are always seen together. These dragons get presented to us like they are the coolest fuckin’ things EVAR without any comprehension of the fact that they look like what some 13 year old with a pirated copy of Poser thinks is the coolest fuckin’ thing ever. It is actually possible to pull off this sort of approach to something silly and have it work out. GaoGaiGar managed the make the ridiculous AWESOME with things like swiping a card through a slot or the need to smash a button behind a glass panel for a transformation scene that occurs in nearly every episode.

sign #5 of an impending fiasco

Lastly, we’ve got some story elements that just get ridiculous when you think about them. I’m looking at you, Mr. That Whole People Turning Into Dragons Thing man. Toa and Jin’s kiss in the first episode suddenly gets really, really silly when you think about the fact that he’s kissing some gigantic, goofy-looking CG dragon. My personal favorite is the hilariously homoerotic scene between Gio and what’s-his-face (Kazuki?) during the dragon fight. You see, Gio is what’s his face’s dragon. And somehow Gio, in human form, busts out of the tube that he was being held in at the headquarters and joins the fight. He did not, however stop to get clothes before doing this. I can just picture this naked dragon dude walking (jumping?) through Tokyo, wing-wong flapping in the breeze for miles. Then, to make things even more unintentionally homoerotic than they already were, Jin jumps on top of Gio (after he turns into a dragon, thank God) to chase after some ISDA soldiers while Kazuki yells out lines like “Noooo, he’s mine!” in despair.

boobnaut: the boobonance 4 & 5: dragons…IN SPACE (originally posted on 11/05/2007)

In general, I don’t care about the huge lapses of physics that you see all the time in the movies. I don’t care when a spaceship handles like a fighter plane, when lasers are treated like bullets, people dive through plate glass windows, time doesn’t dilate at warp speed, and so many other errors that I’m sure you all can name in the comments thread. The effects have to be really, really dumb to get me to care. The best example I can think of is how they used sonar to detect a hiding battleship IN SPACE in the Wing Commander movie.

DON'T TASE ME, BRO!

Well, Dragonaut gave a pair of pair of doozies these last two weeks. The first was that Toa could sing to Jin from the surface of the moon. Aside from the fact that transmitting a sound that distance is kind of absurd, it’s traveling THROUGH SPACE. I have no problem when you can hear the Death Star explode in THX (even though in space, no one can hear you scream), but this pushed things a little bit too far. After episode 5, I’m under the impression that it was some kind of telepathic message. But because of the general ridiculousness of this show, singing in space seemed much more plausible than telepathy.

The other space-based physics violation was the way that Gio flew in space. He flew around by flapping his wings. Of course, there is no air for him to generate lift from. You don’t have to get all Ender’s Game when there’s a zero-G setting and have Jin kick off his shoe in order to start moving, but that was just silly. And what’s the deal with Toa and Gio being able to walk around on the surface of the moon with no kind of suit or needing to be in their dragon form, anyway?

OBVIOUSLY they have to frame the shot like this

Of course, there are still some things that I like about this show (for all the wrong reasons, of course). Kazuki makes me laugh every time I see him. He has such an INTENSE, OBSESSIVE relationship with Gio that whenever someone brings up the topic (even when it’s as minor as like “We are tracking Gio to the Moon”) he flies off the handle and starts frothing at the mouth. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH GIO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! It’s like nobody ever took the time to stop and realize just how hilarious he looks. If that doesn’t have yaoi potential written all over it, I don’t know what does.

garnet's breasteses can't be bargained with. they can't be reasoned with. they don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. and they absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

Finally, this week gave us our first extended scenes with Garnet, aka that dominatrix with ginormous gazongas voiced by Aya Hirano. In general, I think that Aya Hirano seems a bit over-exposed, but her performance here amused me to no end. She seemed to be channeling a circa 2004 Rie Tanaka (think Rozen Maiden and My-Otome) with her delicious scenery chewing. Of the three bakunyuu characters, her boobs make me laugh the most. They move around in a way that no boobs could ever be able to move in, which fills me with lulz. Hinano and I joke that they’re actually prehensile. Her boobs pull out her ID badge and swipe it through the scanner. Then she sits down at her desk and her boobs start typing at the computer. Then her boobs give the order to capture Gio, and once she enters the base, her boobs pull out her sword and start fighting him while she standes still. lol, etc.

I can’t look away. The sillier this show gets, the more I want to watch it.

boobnaut: the crotch bulge-onance 6/7: the best/worst beach episode ever (originally posted on 11/16/2007)

yes, it's what you've all been waiting for

But sorry kiddies, episode 6 isn’t as funny without the context of episode 5. Episode 5 is so totally laden with Kazuki being emo over Gio that I burst out laughing. He’s self-parody at this point, but not really self-conscious parody. Before I go on though, something seems well, off with this picture:

Is it just me, or are Dr. Kitajima’s boobs well, non-ridiculous?

OK so back to Kazuki. This sequence basically sums up his behavior in the series so far:

Automatically the first thing out of his mouth is “GIO?!?!?” What would have made me laugh with, rather than at, the show would’ve been if he was cut off mid-sentence with “No, we are not going to the moon to bring back Gio.” But yeah, his INTENSE, OBSESSIVE relationship with Gio is hilarious in its homoeroticism. He’s so twisted with sexual tension jealous at Jin that he even Nice Boats the picture of Jin and him that he had in his room. And while we’re on the topic of homoeroticism, this exchange, which IMMEDIATELY followed Jin’s lust-crazed frothing over Gio, also made me lol.

So now it’s beach episode time. And let me tell you, when you think about beach episodes, do you think of the opening picture of Machina, or do you think of these:

That’s right, this episode had probably as much, if not more manservice than scantily-clad ladies in their bathing suits. And seriously, all the dudes get the most package-revealing suits since Papillon’s mankini in Busou Renkin. Additionally, I lol’ed at how Omni’s Boobnaut post conveniently has no screencaps of any of the crotch bulges.

That all said, I was also amused by how episode 7 ended with Kazuki meeting some (obviously huge-boobed) dragon chick and giving up Kazuki for her. Oh noes! What about their hawt yaoi action?

Suffice to say, this is my favorite show of the season.

PS: SYMMETRICAL DOCKING

PPS: Am I the only one who noticed that Sumeragi’s boobs got almost Boobnaut-huge in the outfit that she wore at the very end of the episode?

boobnaut: the butt-onance? (originally posted on 1/14/2008)

Gaze upon the splendor that is the new ED for Dragonaut:

COCKBLOCKED!

MANSERVICE!

Not only does this shot show why this show is called "Boobnaut", but we have an early leader for the 2008 Buichi Terasawa Lifetime Achievement Award.

In case you didn't know, you are supposed to realize that that sword is a phallus and therefore this shot is supposed to give you a boner.

MANSERVICE! Part 2. I guess this show is trying to get some crossover appeal.

boobnaut: the preview-nance 15 (originally posted on 1/17/2008)

When I first saw this image on Random Curiosity, I assumed that it was a butt. It wasn’t until I watched the episode and saw the “action” scene that those are boobs. In this episode we learned about the Gillard Army’s battle tactics, which basically involves dropping things onto GIOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN, and Akira.

first, dragons...

...then, large-breasted (this IS boobnaut after all) women...

and finally, one more large-breasted woman for good measure.

The first ones at least come out of a secret passage. This one (and come to think of it, also those dragons) just dropped out of nowhere. Anway, GIOOOOOOOOOOOOO and JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN eventually make it to Ashim’s throne room thingy where he is keeping Toa prisoner. While GIOOOOOOOOOOOO fights with Garnet’s boobs, Ashim spits loogies at JIIIIIIIIIIIN or something. I’m not really sure what that power is. It was actually kind of cool when JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN decked him when he got distracted.

I almost skipped the preview, but was glad that I didn’t: it featured the bridge bunnies yelling “GIOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Seriously!

the difference between rosario + vampire and dragonaut (originally posted on 1/24/2008)

Rosario + Vampire has been a pleasant surprise. On second thought, maybe that’s too nice of a compliment. It would probably be more accurate to say that it hasn’t been an unwatchable mess. It provides a nice compliment to Dragonaut in the “Oh, Gonzo…” realm. Make no mistake, both shows are pretty bad yet still oddly watchable. They are however slightly different in how they reach their level of watchable badness.

As I’ve written quite a few times already, Boobnaut is fun to watch because the concept and the execution aren’t at the same level. Dragons are pretty cool, mecha are pretty cool, sci-fi action is pretty cool, boobies are pretty cool, scantily-clad ladies are pretty cool, and fighting is pretty cool. The combination of those things is also pretty cool. This isn’t like combining ice cream and hot wings where the components are good separately but together they become a big mess. Instead, to use a pro wrestling analogy, it’s like The Shockmaster: there’s all this buildup to this thing that should be incredibly awesome, and then he trips over his own feet and his helmet flies off. Nothing sums this up better than the awful CG dragons.

Rosario + Vampire does not however have the same pretensions. Rather, the approach here appears to be “Let’s take some source material and then make it really, really stupid.” Moka (what kind of a name is that anyway? “I’ll have a venti moka latte with soy milk?”) has a skirt that is so short that it doesn’t even cover her panties. She doesn’t even have to bend over or have the camera at a weird angle. As for the humor, well, the image at the top of this post basically sums it up. The advantage that this joke has over the Air Gear censor crows is that those crows seemed sort of matter-of-fact there while the bat is part of the joke. It also helps that he is voiced by Takehito Koyasu doing his goofy voice.

Also, there is a Boobnaut doujin at the top at hentaidoujins.net and the boobs in it take up literally half of each page.

boobnaut 18 was hilarious, rather than hilariously bad (originally posted on 2/14/2008)

So let’s review: We timeskip one year. Toa is a scantily-clad waitress who lives with JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN and GIOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (who spends most of the day walking around the house in a pink apron and getting extremely focused on his cooking) in the mountains somewhere. Then Sieglinde (although ANN lists her as “Jacqueline”) shows up and things develop into a full blown KER-RAZY domestic comedy! Oh, and they randomly cut from this to show the bridge bunnies talking about how they love working in space because the zero gravity keeps their backs from hurting because of their ginormous boobs.

Oh man, and Kazuki even comes back from the dead! Sadly, he did not get to say JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN or GIOOOOOOOOOOO. I think he is living with Widow now or something, which I don’t really get since I thought he had that whole INTENSE, OBSESSIVE relationship going on with JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN and GIOOOOOOO. There was this really awkward cut in one of his scenes where he was brooding, then it cut to Widow in the shower (although without copious nuditity) saying “Kazuki, I’ll grant you your wish\”, then cut to Kazuki, then a bunch of random stuff, and then cut to someone washing a woman’s back. Turned out out it was Toa washing Sieglinde, though. I first assumed that it was Kazuki about to get it on with Widow.

The only thing that detracted from this episode was that Gonzo has decided for at least the fourth time this series to have someone get captured by ISDA and require others to rescue them. Why can’t they replace that with more silly human/dragon romance or another human/dragon wedding? Speaking of which, I laughed when Siegelinde hung a lampshade on this whole silliness. “You’re a DRAGON LIVING WITH A HUMAN. YOU ARE WEARING GLASSES. THAT’S NOT EVEN A DISGUISE. You people disgust me.”

our long nightmare is over: dragonaut has ended (originally posted on 3/30/2008)

And with that, the best/worst bad anime in a few years is over. It definitely couldn’t keep up its early pace throughout the series, which from what I have been told may have been because the original writer quit, and therefore the only idea anyone could think of was to have about a dozen episodes where someone gets captured by some group and everyone has to rescue him/her/them. This significantly cut into the amount of time that they were able to have scenes which imply that Gio walked naked from the lab he was in to where Jin is in trouble.

this image sums up 90% of what\'s wrong with this show

Let’s take a look at this picture. First off, there’s the unintentionally hilarious homoeroticism. Next, you’ve got Kazuki’s hilarious overacting. The way he howls out “GIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” and “JIIIIIIIIIIIIIN” always make me laugh. He starts crying after the fight as well. There’s also the issue of Kazuki’s “scar”. Kazuki comes back from the dead (eyeroll #1) with this thong-shaped patch over his forehead, which is obviously to cover a scar. At one point he removes his panty from his face and the “scar” is tiny (eyeroll #2). I think the scar on my nose from when I got thrown against a wall while wrestling when I was a little kid is bigger than his forehead scar. Then after Kazuki is done getting a beej losing, he tells Kazuki that he “just wanted to protect him”. Right. You try to protect someone by trying over and over to kill that person.

this image sums up the other 10% of what's wrong with this show

But of course, how can you talk about Boobnaut without talking about well, the boobs? I actually think that as the show went on, they got less ridiculously displayed. This shot was more of the exception rather than the norm in the final episodes. This can make the show better or worse (or “worse” as in “not as hilariously stupid”). I used this one because the anatomy makes me laugh. It looks almost like Garnet is flat-chested and and she’s standing behind a podium that has an overflowing bag of potatoes or something on it. They just don’t look like they’re attached to her.

Basically, since the second half of the show is so pointless, the best way to get the real Boobnaut experience is probably to watch the first 10 or so episodes, then skip to when Kazuki “dies”, then when he comes back, then to the timeskip episode, and then the last two episodes. That way you miss all the episodes of endless rescues, but still get Garnet’s prehensile boobs, the beach episode that had more manservice than fanservice, Gio in an apron, and of course, plenty of screaming of GIOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. If you try to watch all 25 episodes, the show loses its hilarity, but if you stick to the first half and then those couple other ones, you can have hours of epic lulz.

(Appendix: Still don’t understand how bad Dragonaut was? You don’t need to take my word for it. Behold a sampling:

-jpmeyer)

This clip is a great example of the level of quality in Skelter+Heaven. It looks like something that a 12 year old with Windows Movie Maker and a pirated copy of Poser made. The editing is on par with the effect that you get from channel surfing. The dialogue makes no sense and is delivered almost robotically. Every shot is either noticeably too long or too short.

When we generally talk about something being terrible, we’re generally looking at two different things: the quality of the storyline (“nothing happens”, “it doesn’t make any sense,” “it’s full of plot holes”) or personally dislikable subtext (“lolipedo moeshit”.) We take for granted that there is a baseline level of both technical and artistic competence. Anime like Skelter+Heaven are what happens you don’t even get that baseline level of competence.