the “best” anime of 2013

THE “AWARDS” WHERE I JUST MAKE FUN OF STUFF:

“Best” DUDE YOU HAVE TO CHECK OUT THIS AMAZING ‘JAPANIMATION’! IT’S NOT KID’S STUFF LIKE DISNEY CARTOONS! (and The Strike Witches Memorial Award for the show that uh, “normal” people would have watched if not for the ridiculous fanservice): Kill la Kill

2013_01

Kill la Kill would have saved anime if not for the fact that Yamakan had already saved anime back in 2011 with Fractale.

Hinano here with comments in green!

Best/”best” Engrish (and “excellence” in the field of awkward translations): The Basketball Which Kuroko Plays

I ain’t keeping a poker face. It’s my nature

Most appropriate/inappropriate Norio Wakamoto role: Uta no Prince-sama

2013_02

That said, points were deducted because unlike last time, he did not roll an R for like, 10 whole seconds this time

Best sidekick: Orion

2013_03

And by sidekick I obviously mean “shota tulpa”.

Best/”best”/breast filler episode(s): Uta no Majestic Prince-sama: Maji Sameface 1000%

2013_04

They pulled off the rare double turn where they both massively inflated the titty character’s tittys AND massive deflated the non-titty character’s tittys!

The Manos: The Hands of Fate Memorial Award for “excellence” in the field of titular redundancy: Maoyuu Maou Yuusha

2013_05

moar liek Maonyuu amirite?

The Mitsutoshi Shimabukuro Memorial Award for “excellence” in the field of cradle robbing (and “best” conflation of violence and sexuality:) Diabolik Lovers

2013_06

Dude, they’re like, hundreds of years older than her

“Best” manservice (and guiltiest pleasure): Free

2013_07

Truefax: According to the internet, this was the first time in the history of mass culture that men were sexualized for women’s visual pleasure

Best trap: Rui

2013_08_01

And I even mean it in the “interesting character” way this year!

Best/”best”/breast reverse trap: Fino

2013_08_02

Oh please she wasn’t even trying to pass.

“Best” implied yaoi scene in a non-yaoi series: Attack on Titan

2013_09

That’s what’s really happening here amirite?

Best semen eating motiff: Meganebu

2013_10

Let’s just say that I’ve got the very obvious nickname for this show down at the bottom.

The Buichi Terasawa Memorial Award for “excellence” in the field of accentuated asscheeks: Yamato 2199

2013_11

I know what you’re thinking: “How could this go to anything but Vividred Operation?” The answer is because of how far Yamato has come. Remember, the original Yamato was a prime example of how Back In The Day, the animators were such nerds that they had no idea how to draw panties and therefore they could only draw featureless white things.

The Queen’s Blade Memorial Award for excellence in the field of ridiculous boobage: Da Capo III

2013_12

What the fuck, Da Capo? You were supposed to be one of those kawaii desu imouto who will assent because it’s okay if it’s with you, onii-chan franchises!

Most necessary tie-in: New Wives Always Say Yes

2013_13

Anime’s always danced around the edges with coyness and insinuation, so suffice to say I lol’ed super hard when this figure finally just said outright what all this waifu business is really about.

Most unnecessary spinoff (and “best” source material): Walkure Romanze

2013_14

One Words Worth is all that the world needs.

(Why the second award? It’s a Ricotta eroge. This is what I used for the image last time one of those got an anime adaptation.)

The Straight Cougar Memorial Award for most ridiculous Sunrise character name: ERU ERUFU

2013_15

Yeah yeah, I know it’s really “L-11″ but ERU ERUFU sounds so much more stupid. Also, it is much to our collective sadness that because Gundam Build Fighters is set in the modern real world, there was a massive lack of ridiculous Gundam character names this year since that meant that they all have names like “Sei Iori” or “Ricardo Fellini” rather than “Natora Einus” or “Yurin L’Ciel”.

Most ridiculous non-Sunrise name: Lamdimia Do Aximemor

2013_16

Won’t lie, I have no idea who this is.

BAD:

The Gundam Seed Destiny Memorial Award for the series that could’ve been best improved if I had written it: Outbreak Company

2013_17

Unfortunately, this show wasn’t as remotely clever as it wanted to be. It’s the sort of thing where they’ll use something like the fact that their Cool Japan school is basically immersing young kids is porn as a throwaway gag when it really should be the root of something like a Nadesico-esque satire. That said, there’s still plenty of laughs to be had from things like the image of a lizardman blowing into a Nintendo cartridge.

Worst OP: Watamote

Worst ED: Diabolik Lovers

The Ali Project Memorial Award for “excellence” in the field of playing the same fuckin’ song every fuckin’ time: Yukari Tamura

Not only did I have trouble telling the multiple OPs/EDs from her apart this year, I started to assume that other people’s songs that sounded remotely similar were hers.

Most surprisingly bad series (and worst shounen series): Kimi no Iru Machi

2013_18

This isn’t the sort of show that I normally give the worst shounen series to (usually it’s standard fighting shows), but this show was so bad I wanted to give it multiple badness awards. Even for Gonzo, the level of incompetence was astounding here. It was almost as if they made the a 24 episode series rigidly sequentially, then throw out half of the frames and reinserted the rest at random.

Most surprisingly “bad” series (and biggest sequel dropoff): Genshiken Nidaime

2013_19

All of the characters and humor this season could basically be summed up as “lol female sexuality lol”. Similarly, all of the decent episodes were the ones were all the new characters were sidelined.

wtfpanties

Don’t forget Yozakura Quartet here. They put all their energy into animating panties.

QUALITY-est animation: Tokyo Ravens

2013_20_01

And that’s just from the most recent episode!

(This is sort of unfair, but Aku no Hana gets an honorable mention because the rotoscoping took me out of the series immediately.)

This year’s “ZOMG ANIME IS DYING” award: Vividred Operation

2013_21

You know how everyone looks at a Jackson Pollock painting and thinks “Oh come on, I could’ve done that!”? Vividred Operation is the opposite in that everyone had already thought of the concept long before now and the mystery is why it took this long to come to fruition.

Worst visual novel adaptation: Diabolik Lovers

dia03
dia01

Kyaaah, wifebeating is sooooo kawaii!

Also, I think my “favorite” scene is when one of them throws Yui into the pool in their mansion, where she starts to drown. So he dives in after her and starts sucking her blood underwater (isn’t the pool gonna get totally dirty now?), eventually pulling her to the surface. The next shot then has him standing up in the pool, which is now somehow waist-high (but still drownable?)

Amnesia and Brothers Conflict were also really bad. There still hasn’t been a decent anime adaptation of an otome game yet.

Worst mecha and chuunibyou-iest anime: Valvrave

2013_23

SHUT UP MOM! I’M ACTUALLY A SPACE VAMPIRE BODY STEALER SUPER ROBOT PILOT THAT CAN FIGHT ENTIRE COUNTRIES AT ONCE ALSO I’M IMMORTAL AND I GET TO RAPE THE SCHOOL IDOL!

Worst OVA (and worst shoujo): Suki tte ii na yo OVA

2013_24

I know the phrase “nothing happened” has lost all its meaning, but there really was nothing that happened here. Not even in the (wuh oh! He’s gonna say it!) slice-of-life way, I mean really nothing.

Worst fanservice: Sekai de Ichiban Tsuyoku Naritai

The screaming at the beginning made me last under a minute.

Worst “comedy” and worst anime: Meganebu

2013_25

Meganebu is perhaps the best/worst example yet to show to an outsider to show how completely absurd anime niche marketing is. It started out as a drama CD for characters with glasses. This of course makes little to no sense, since glasses are a visual character element but a drama CD is purely auditory. Then, it’s about a glasses club, which itself also makes little to no sense. Finally, by turning it into an anime it’s bringing a purely auditory medium (drama CDs) into a primarily visual realm, compounded by how glasses aren’t a personality trait so as the show quickly showed, there was nothing whatsoever to base the show around. (And then combine that with things like how an episode will have a storyline of “Let’s make x-ray glasses to look at boobies!” while they simultaneously go around licking cream off of each other’s glasses.)

GOOD:

Best English: Genshiken Nidaime

2013_26

Granted, there really isn’t much competition here (and of course, this is a step down from “I love when he splashes his sperm all over Mugio’s glasses!”)

Best OP, Best ED, The Rosario + Vampire Memorial Award for the “best” anime to watch on Nico Nico, and most surprisingly “good” series: Hentai Ouji to Warawanai Neko


Trigger warning: BUHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

And on that note,

Most pero-ristic anime: The Severing Crime Edge

How lewd!

How lewd!

 

Most surprisingly good series: Kotoura-san

2013_27

The best way to sum this choice up is that the manga for this show didn’t even have a page on Japanese Wikipedia prior to the show’s airing, but it ended up being the sleeper of the season, if not year.

Runner up: Hataraku Maou-sama

激おこスティックふぁいなりてぃぷんぷんどりーむ

激おこスティックふぁいなりてぃぷんぷんどりーむ

because it was actually funny and had great cast and characters. I kinda wish there was a 2nd season:

Best sequel and best mecha: Gundam Build Fighters

2013_28

Gundam Build Fighters is the best Gundam series in the last 20 years or so. It manages the awkward grimdark/idiotic dichotomy that Gundam series often fell victim to by embracing its little kid toy commercial spirit, meaning that it can have characters acting really goofy since it’s gotta make kids laugh while also having cool robot battles since they’re all just virtual reality anyway. I think my favorite aspect of the show is how it understands that action figures are hella lame compared to video games by video game-ifying said action figures so now you and your (manchild) friends can figure out once and for all who would win in a fight between a Bearguy and The Big Zam or whatever.

(“Honorable” mention: That rebroadcast of Gundam Seed Destiny where they added in nudity.)

Best action anime, The IT’S OK IF I’M THE DEVIL Memorial Award for excellence in the field of AWESOMENESS and IT’S OVER 9000-est anime: Kill la Kill

2013_29

Fuck it, I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen an anime go this full-on, balls to the wall crazy.

Best shoujo: lol

Okay okay, in all seriousness nowadays shoujo manga generally get adapted into live-action movies or series rather than anime.

“Best” visual novel adaptation: lol

Eh, I should probably retire this award because the structural changes that have occurred since I started doing these back in 2006 have rendered this category more or less moot.

Best shounen: Attack on Titan

2013_30

I’ve had to give out a quasi-joke award here for a few years in a row, but finally we’ve gotten what’s most likely the best shounen series since Rurouni Kenshin.

Best OVA non-TV anime: Death Billiards

2013_31

At first I wanted to say “Anime Mirai” until I remembered that it was really just Death Billiards and Little Witch Academia and not the samurai one or the KILLER IMOUTO one that were the good ones.

Finally, something I can agree with.

Best fanservice anime: Free

2013_32

You mad, nerds?

Delicious!

Best/”best” comedy: Yondemasu, Azazel-san

2013_33

And the best/”best” anime with an episode about an assghost that makes Solid Snake spray blood from his ass.

eatinghair

No, that’s the “best” comedy. The best comedy is Cuticle Detective Inaba!

Best something, if I had a category that I could easily give it an award for: Kyousougiga

2013_34

Similarly, Rie Matsumoto is the next someone, if I had a category that I could easily give her an award for.

Best anime: Gatchaman Crowds

2013_35

It’s a clever take on superheroes! No, it’s a utopian application of gamification! No, it’s about how to use technology to forward social justice! Well anyway, it’s all those things combined with some of the best characters this year and wrapped up in Kenji Nakamura’s signature visuals.

naginoasakura

What the fuck is this gachapon shit? The best anime this year is Nagi no Asukara. It is the best tale of an NTR mermaid lad growing up and no longer grrring that they are stealing his wimminz.

All in all, 2013 was a GREAT year for anime. I watched three legit AOTY candidates (first Attack on Titan in Spring, then Gatchaman Crowds in Summer, and finally Kill la Kill in Fall) along with plenty of pleasant surprises like Kotoura-san, Gundam Build Fighters, Death Billiards, and Hataraku Maoh.

And now, your favorite part of your favorite post of the year:

‘Bate A Live
Cooterura-san
Devil is a Fart Timer
Dia Ball-Licker Lovers
Golden Shower Time
Meganebukakke
Poopooshiki
Poopa
Poop on the Turd (I know I’ve done “Poop on the Third” before, but this one has double poop)
Poopimas
Pooticle Detective Inaba
Shite Album
Shitgeki no Kyojin
Silver Spooge
Strike the Butt
Tamanko Market
Unkoten Kazoku
Vulvarave (Bukkakemei Valvrave?)
Yowamushi Pedo
You See Boobs

Oh, and we’re up to bloggiversary #8 now.

About

Every once and a while, I'll write something about those Japanese porno Pokemans cartoons that are STRAIGHT FROM JAPAN but AREN'T KIDS' STUFF. Just not today.

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Posted in Anime, Yearly Awards
12 comments on “the “best” anime of 2013
  1. TheBigN says:

    Hilarious. You win. :3

  2. Di Gi Kazune says:

    Best OP, Best ED, The Rosario + Vampire Memorial Award for the “best” anime to watch on Nico Nico, and most surprisingly “good” series: Hentai Ouji to Warawanai Neko

    And you didn’t steal any of my scree… wait, I did not do screencaps. :P

    *hums*mou ippai*hums* C.U.T.E. Funny Cat

    Still, I wonder how did Henneko win everything. (PS: You forgot it won the “best extras” that come with the BD :P)

    Have to agree with the boss of the house: Cuticle Detective Inaba is best comedy. And how come Henneko doesn’t get a perverted title comme… wait. Henneko is itself already one.

    Re: Valvrave. From reading wikipedia’s episode synopsis, it’s just a rebadged Gundam series. That is kinda sad considering Sunrise can actually do something that is not a just a rebadged Gundam. (Zegapain). It’s like they just took Gundam 00 and renamed it. Also their character naming should win an award. L-elf? Z-ein or whatever… Come on, please do not just use German number to cover up your asses. At least make it sensible.

    I would also nominate Arpeggio of Blue Steel for best English award as it looked as if the production crew actually made an effort to do things correctly.

    So bye-bye 2013 and welcome 2014 anime. Currently ear-marking one series from April 2014 to watch. Interestingly, the casting is quite “star-studded”, as I would put it as Shakugan no Shana meets Di Gi Charatnyo cast list.

  3. schneider says:

    This will remain the best blog even if you just make a single post every year.

  4. aizen says:

    “Best” visual novel adaptation – this should have gone to White Album 2. Just sayin’.

  5. […] Summer 2013, I only picked up three series but watched them all. In the words of JP Meyer: Genshiken Nidaime was surprisingly bad and a big sequel dropoff. The homage moments to other […]

  6. Telliamed says:

    The Ali Project Memorial Award for “excellence” in the field of playing the same fuckin’ song every fuckin’ time: Yukari Tamura

    Not Minori Chihara? Because when I started watching Kyoukai no Kanata I actually paused to make sure I hadn’t accidentally clicked on Suisei no Gargantia? And how many songs did Yukarin even do last year? I only know of three.

    Speaking of repitition, you should make a category for reusing animation. Or maybe you shouldn’t because then SHAFT would win every time. Even without the confusion of numbering episodes differently because of the recap weeks, I was never sure when I started an episode of Monogatari if it was one I had seen before or not.

    Don’t forget Yozakura Quartet here. They put all their energy into animating panties.

    Yes, but they’re not just “featureless white things.” We’ve come a long way from the 80′s.

    • jpmeyer says:

      She’s getting awfully repetitive too, but I think the only song of hers that I heard this year was from the episode or two of Kyoukai no Kanata that I watched before dropping it.

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