the “best” anime of 2012

THE “AWARDS” WHERE I JUST MAKE FUN OF STUFF:

“Best” DUDE YOU HAVE TO CHECK OUT THIS AMAZING ‘JAPANIMATION’! IT’S NOT KID’S STUFF LIKE DISNEY CARTOONS!: Lupin III: The Woman Called Fujiko Mine

Hey guys, do you like sex and killing and killing with sex? Then I’ve got the show for you!

(Stuff in pink is by Hinano).

Best/”best” Engrish: Humanity Has Declined

Kon’ya wa couch potato desu!

Most appropriate/inappropriate Norio Wakamoto role: Dog Days

Best sidekick wingman: Polar Bear

More like BROLAR Bear amirite?

Best/”best”/breast filler episode: That extra Haganai episode

Oh man, an episode about Sena being raped and humilated and forced to admit that she’s a slutty cumdumpster who has no value outside of being something that men can blow a load into! I’m so there!

(But hey, at least in this version she’s only gangraped by weird monsters rather than people. That counts for something, right?)

The Manos: The Hands of Fate Memorial Award for “excellence” in the field of titular redundancy and most unnecessary spinoff: Arcana Famiglia: La Storia della Arcana Famiglia

Guido Famiglia ~La Storia della Guido Famiglia~
GTL Famiglia ~La Storia della GTL Famiglia~
You know what? You’re excluded from dinner, then. You’re excluded from Surf-and-Turf Night. You’re excluded from Ravioli Night. You’re excluded from Chicken-Cutlet Night Famiglia ~La Storia della You know what? You’re excluded from dinner, then. You’re excluded from Surf-and-Turf Night. You’re excluded from Ravioli Night. You’re excluded from Chicken-Cutlet Night Famiglia~

The Mitsutoshi Shimabukuro Memorial Award for “excellence” in the field of cradle robbing: Dusk Maiden of Amnesia

Dude, the guy is like, 12 (and voiced by Tsubasa Yonaga), and she is like, 100 or something.

“Best” manservice: Kuroko’s Ballz

Normally I make fun of all those Gangan series like Pandora Hearts of Kuroshitsuji, but this time we finally get to go back to Shounen Jump. This was pretty much a shoo-in seeing how the manservice in this show was TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

Best/”best”/breast trap and/or reverse trap: Anelotte

No really, for some reason people think that she is a dude, and the line immediately after this screenshot is “Onii-chan has tits?!?!” after her titarmor falls off.

Best implied yaoi scene in a non-yaoi series: Kids on the Slope

It’s pretty obvious that Kaoru and Sentarou love each other far more than they love Ritsuko. I mean, they even run off with each other in the end!

Finest cats: The Pet Girl of Sakurasou

Honorable mention: Acchi Kocchi

Finest…dogs? Shiba Inuko-san

A…dog is fine too?

“Best” conflation of violence and sexuality, best semen eating motiff, and worst English translated Japanese title: Dakara Boku wa, Ecchi ga Dekinai

There is no way that I am calling this show “So, I Can’t Play H”.

(Or as we thought earlier “What was the name of that show from the summer about the guy that can’t use his powers unless he has a boner? ‘OreSex’ or something?”)

The Rosario + Vampire Memorial Award for the “best” anime to watch on Nico Nico: Zero no Tsukaima F

くぎゅうううううううううううううううううううううううううう

Trigger warning: Kugyuuuuuuuu

Most necessary tie-in: Strike Witches MREs

They look pretty nasty, but hey at least you can eat them without needing to wear pants!

Most unnecessary tie-in: Samgyetang

WTF IS THIS FUCKING NIDA TTONGSUL KIMSHIT DOING IN MY MOE ANIME GRRRRRRRRRRR

The Straight Cougar Memorial Award for most ridiculous Sunrise character name: Full Frontal

Sure is convenient having Gundam Unicorn air every year!

Most ridiculous non-Sunrise name: The cast of Zero no Tsukaima

I don’t think people realize just how ridiculous the names are in this show. You think oh, wait’s so absurd about names like “Saito” or “Siesta” without realizing that the characters have full names like “Louise Françoise Le Blanc de La Vallière” or “Kirche Augusta Frederica von Anhalt-Zerbst”.

The Angel Cop Memorial Award for “excellence” in the field of being incredibly racist: Total Eclipse

I think my favorite part was when the rape-obsessed, childlike ethnic minorities that were completely incapable of functioning without the strong hand of whitey were eventually put in their place by a literally genetically superior white person (who they had previously tried to rape, natch).

Most controversial anime: Kokoro Connect

First there was the whole “let’s cure PTSD from sexual abuse through a kick to the crotch”. Then there was the disturbingly visceral violence. Then we topped off everything with the hazing and bullying by the cast and staff.

(Honorable mention: Kuroko’s Ballz)

Best seiyuu cameos by eldery grandmas: Kore wa Zombie desu ka

(This is of course only scratching the surface in the realm of elderly seiyuu grandma cameos here.)

FANSERVICE:

Most annoying fanservice trend: NO MOE ALLOWED GUYS

C’mon guys, no matter what you say you are still making a show with character designs by Akira Amano, a character voiced by Kana Hanazawa, and merch like that pictured above. You’re not fooling anyone.

Most surprisingly porny spinoff: that transformation scene in Dog Days

“Best” source material: Sword Art Online 16.5

My favorite thing about this is how fans of the show got so butthurt from people laughing at the existence of 16.5 that they petitioned Baka-Tsuki to remove it from the wiki so that people couldn’t keep citing it as a reason why that series is terrible.

The Strike Witches Memorial Award for the show that uh, “normal” people would have watched if not for the ridiculous fanservice: Mysterious Girlfriend X

I’m being a little generous with my definition of “fanservice” here, but still man that spit was gross enough to make the show completely unwatchable for me.

The Queen’s Blade Memorial Award for excellence in the field of ridiculous boobage, The Buichi Terasawa Memorial Award for “excellence” in the field of accentuated asscheeks, best/”best”/breast fanservice series, and well, every other conceivable award: Queen’s Blade

Oh hey now that Qwaser is gone Queen’s Blade can reclaim all of its titles!

BAD:

The Gundam Seed Destiny Memorial Award for the series that could’ve been best improved if I had written it and chuunibyou-est anime: Sword Art Online

After the first episode of this show, I thought “man, what an irresistible premise (trapped on the internet!)”. My thoughts were racing about everything from how the outside world would cope with this situation to the kinds of social organizations that would arise inside the game. Instead we got nothing more than terrible, dull wish fulfillment about how AW3S0M3 it would be if I were a 1337 h4x0r that can pwn any vidya game and had ~the perfect waifu~ (not one of those fake geek girls grrrrr fucking females) and best of all I get to gloop her and even though she is awesome at video games that never affects anything in a threatening way.

Also:

wife beater – wife beta tester—
eidrag (ヱイドラッグ) (@eidrag) July 27, 2012

Guiltiest pleasure, The IT’S OK IF I’M THE DEVIL Memorial Award for excellence in the field of AWESOMENESS and IT’S OVER 9000-est anime: Symphogear

Normally, I put those latter two awards in the “good” category, but with Symphogear I had to lump them in with the show being a guilty pleasure. The subtle difference here was that with Symphogear, I was frequently laughing at the show as it failed to recognize how un-awesome it was being at times. Stuff like having insert songs start up as characters draw upon their last well of reserve to defeat some bad guy should be awesome, until you notice that the character is designed by that Sergeant Frog guy and it ends up being Yuuki Aoi doing the singing. Or when a hero goes “I CAN AT LEAST DO THIS MUCH!” and sacrifices themselves to stop the bad guys and save everyone, except that the bad guys already killed everyone and the hero already stopped almost all of them the normal way.

Worst OP: Kill Me Baby

Worst ED: Daily Lives of High School Boys

The Ali Project Memorial Award for “excellence” in the field of playing the same fuckin’ song every fuckin’ time: Nana Mizuki

I swear, there are multiple times throughout Symphogear where for a second I thought “Why are they playing Brave Phoenix/Secret Ambition/Eternal Blaze?”

Most surprisingly bad series: Kids on the Slope

Welp, after waiting 6 years for the next Shinichiro Watanabe anime we ended up with a pedestrian adaption of a hackneyed melodrama.

Most surprisingly “bad” series: Lupin III: The Woman Called Fujiko Mine

It might’ve been “cool” and “stylish”, but between the poor production values, meaningless “symbolism”, NOT KIDS STUFF, and uninteresting lead, we ended up with a mess that never even felt like a Lupin III anime.

Most overrated tl;dr piece of crap light novel adaptation: Hyouka

I AM SO CURIOUS ABOUT THIS MYSTERY ABOUT A DUDE WHO LOCKED HIMSELF IN THE CLASS ROOM CAUSE THE JANITOR DIDN’T REALIZE ALL THE KIDS HADN’T GONE HOME FOR THE DAY.

Biggest sequel dropoff: Moyashimon

While not a trainwreck by any means, somewhere along the line all of the endearing quirkiness went away and we were left with just a bunch of students going about their days at college.

This year’s “ZOMG ANIME IS DYING” award: Girls und Panzer

OMG THERE ARE GIRLS AND THERE ARE TANKS! THIS IS SO DUMB WHY IS THIS AIRING AND NOT COWBOY BEBOP?????

“Worst” shoujo (and worst ending): Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun

This series was by no means horrible, and the reason that I put worst in quotes is because I’ve got to give this award to something. The decider here was that nonsense non-ending. I mean c’mon at least make one of those blatant anime-only endings!

Worst visual novel adaptation and QUALITY-est animation: Hiiro no Kakera

lolololololol Deen lolololololol

Worst shounen: Magi

Our favorite aspect of this show is how we realized during the first episode that every female character that showed up was a slave, prostitute, or concubine.

Worst “action”: Horizon

Sorry guys, but you can’t get any decent action going when you only have a few seconds at a time to devote to the scene.

Worst mecha: Total Eclipse

Is your idea of a great mecha show one that contains asinine harem hijinks, absurd racism/sexism, nonsensical political intrigue, horrific QUALITY, and barely any robot action? Then I’ve got the show for you!

Worst OVA and worst fanservice: Maken-ki

C’mon guys, Isshouni Training stopped being funny years ago.

Worst “comedy”: Joshiraku

Oh boy, a running narration of everything going on on-screen and maybe an “edgy” “political” “joke”! I love Japanese “satire”!

Worst anime: Who is “IMOUTO”?

…but seriously though who is IMOUTO?

 I think it’s this one:

GOOD:

Best OP: Shirokuma Cafe – Boku no Invitation

Best OP, blatant joke division: Rinne no Lagrange

Best OP, Tupac division: Suki tte ii na yo

Best ED: Chuunibyou demo Koi ga Shitai – Inside Indentity

Best ED, KUGYUUUUUUUUUUU division: Zero no Tsukaima F

Best Soundtrack (and best English): Kids on the Slope

This was enhanced by how the native speaker in the same scene playing the racist dude was so gawdawful that The Swab’s English immediately afterwards sounded even better by comparison.

Most surprisingly good series (and “best” seiyuu pandering): Shirokuma Cafe

Full disclosure: we dropped this show after 26 episodes since we felt like that was more than enough talking animals for us, but the fact that we got 26 episodes into a show about talking animals in the first place was way more than we ever expected.

Most surprisingly “good” series: AKB0048

I still have no idea whether or not I liked this show (and whether this was for the right or wrong reasons), but if micsabers, cylume claws, and ita-mecha are wrong then I don’t want to be right.

Best Visual Novel Adaptation: Koi to Senkyou to Chocolate

Okay so KoiChoco wasn’t really THAT good but it did convince me to play the original game which was pretty decent (though heavily biased towards the childhood friend which is what the anime ended up following.)

(And besides, what other competition is there?  Amagami?  Arcana Famiglia?)

Best Light Novel Adaptation: Chuunibyou Demo Koi Ga Shitai!

Let’s face it, it makes fun of what being chu2 is like and then having the kiddies grow up and move on…unlike certain light novels *gloop gloop*.

(Shut up, mom! You can’t tell me what to do!)

Best “sequel”: Ano Natsu de Matteru

I will admit that I didn’t particularly care about Onegai Teacher (or as you call it because you are a weeaboo, “Onegai Sensei”) the first time around. Natsumachi (or as everyone knows is the real best abbreviation, “Anotits”) definitely beat my low expectations with it’s great third episode (a textbook romantic comedy!) and wholly satisfying ending.

Best shoujo: Kamisama Hajimemashita

Won’t lie, I was very pleased that I was even able to hand this award out in the first place this year, and got to give it to a series that’s tons of fun and avoids a lot of the negative shoujo concepts like girl on girl crime or abuse that I wish would die out.

Best shounen and best action: Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

The instant that I knew that this series was going to be forever awesome was when it introduced a villain named freakin’ TARKUS.

Best mecha: Total Eclipse

Oh wait, I forgot that Gundam Unicorn had another episode this year, so now I can give it this award and Best OVA. That’s fortunate, because Total Eclipse was fuckin’ terrible.

Best josei: Natsuyuki Rendezvous

Most of the time I ended up giving “Best something, if I had a category that I could easily give it an award for” to a josei series anyway, so fuck it, let’s just make it the josei award. Or perhaps, the “sure is nice that there is an anime about adults and stuff for once” award.

Best anime, if the year was 1992 and not 2012: Bodacious Space Pirates

While I did enjoy this series, I mean seriously that name makes it sound like either a futuristic spinoff of California Crisis or a futuristic spinoff of Queen’s Blade.

(Also, I think they meant “Audacious Space Pirates”.)

Best comedy, best scene of chickens killing themselves to Ave Maria, and best anime: Humanity Has Declined

Oh shit, an actual Japanese satire that isn’t just racist jokes about Koreans and is actually you know, funny social commentary!

Fuck that best anime of the year: Natsuyuki Rendezvous

Natsuyuki had a great story about how a woman moves on from her feelings of her deceased husband and was one of the few (only?) anime this year where the female lead wasn’t some loli or big breasted oneesan.

And now, your favorite part of your favorite post of the year:

(This part is retarded and I have nothing to do with it)

Ballsackamichi no Apollon (Kids on the Scrote?)
Black Rock Cooter (Black Cock Shooter?)
Cock Ero Connect
Girls and Pantsu
Joshifakku
Kuso Shinki
Little Butts
Love, Erection, and Cockolate
Medaka Cocks
Moyashitmon
Natsume Poojinchou: Shit
Natsudookie Rendezpoos
Nymphogear (Sapphogear?)
Poopoo no Iu Koto o Kikinasai
Poop On the Third: The Woman Called Poojiko Mine
Psycho-Ass
Robuttics;Notes
Scat tte ii na yo (Skeet tte ii na yo?)
Sword Fart Online
To Love Poo Darkness
Tonari no Kaibutts-kun
Urethra 7

Also, that makes this blog anniversary #7.

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