hoisted from the archives: the complete ex-fansubber hitorigoto coverage of zero no tsukaima season three

(And today, we have the final installment of Zero no Tsukaima, anime’s greatest examination of the resolution of Hegelian dialectic between the thesis of kissing and the antithesis of titwhores -jpmeyer)

Zero no Tsukaima III – 01 (originally posted on 07/06/2008)

Woo hoo! You know you’ve been blogging too long when you’ve blogged season 1 2 and now 3 as they aired in Japan.

Damn these animators. They know how to hook line and sinker me. They put kissing in the first 5 minutes before the opening scene!! But then they also piss me off and set off my fangirl rage alarm by also adding in some whore cockblocking!! Damn it all to hell!

Damn you big boobed cockblocking maid whore!

Also the best part of the opening:

So umm yea Louise and Saito go on some mission to find the boob fairy again who revived Saito in season 2 (giving us a crappy ending etc.) Then Louise gets all tsuntsun because well Saito’s “contract” as her tsukaima has disappeared into thin air. So now she’s all tsun and thinking he doesn’t care about her until some other big boobed whore sends her stupid looking minions to attack Louise. Saito then comes to her rescue as always and yells out his usual “I’m a man protecting the woman I fell in love with!” thing and Louise all like deredere.

So then they visit the Henrietta (who’s a big slut too but manages to hide it better), and she wants to award Saito a chance to be a kizoku. But he refuses and tells her about how he has no more powers due to the tsukaima seal disappearing. Soo that night they sleep over and Louise has yet another dream about Saito leaving her. She wakes up crying and runs outside in her undergarments to Saito. There she quickly goes from tsun to dere because Saito knows how to handle his woman by this point.

He tells her that for now they are “man and woman” and says “let’s continue in the bedroom” LULZ and it seems to work until the dere effect wears off and she blows him up and then ignores him the following day. Apparently Louise can’t seem to get it on unless it’s night time.

Here’s my predictions for this season:
Eps. 2-7 – Saito’s face lands into someone else’s boobs, Louise gets pissed, explosions ensue.
Eps. 8-11 – Some stupid plot point comes out, another battle happens, Saito trains to get stronger, Louise tsun’s away on her own. Maybe a boob in face or two.
Ep. 12 – Saito saves everyone, makes out with Louise, maybe scores (if we get lucky. )

Censored no Tsukaima III – 02 (originally posted on 07/13/2008)

So umm is this JC Staff’s new way of getting people to buy the DVDs? Censoring their pointless fanservice? What is this Junjou Romantica? As if we haven’t seen Siesta’s panties or boob groping before.

So uh after some stupid fighting with Siesta and Siesta being a whore as usual pressing her milk jugs against Saito, Louise got upset as usual. It didn’t help when Saito was mauled by Tiffania (or should we sai TITania?) and then Louise got so pissed at her huge cans that she began to fondle them (which was obviously the censored parts. They weren’t even like nude geez big deal.) So then the big slut on her flying sting ray summons more wolves to attack Louise. Louise tries to use explosions to get rid of them but eventually gives in and attempts to summon Saito again. And for some shocking reason – it works.

And so they perform the tsukaima ceremony again and Saito is back to normal. That was anticlimatic

And by the end, Louise has forgotten about everyone else’s existence and goes back to being tsun (and dere) with Saito while he obediently obeys like a dog (literally.)

LOL I thought they were gonna get it on right in front of everyone.

Upcoming Attractions: Boobs.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 03 (originally posted on 07/20/2008)

Wait, what just happened? There was actual attempted plot? Despite what the preview made me think the episode actually wasn’t about boobs. There were a lot more tit jokes in season 2 and now they seem to be ironically toning it down. That boob we saw in the preview was about as much boobage as you’d get this week. Otherwise the focus was on the flying evil whore and her pimp, and then followed by Saito being given the title of being one of the royal knights. In addition Siesta became his “maid” (damn that whore) much to Louise’s dismay. Titania (who likes to be called Tifa – *insert FF7 joke here*) had described as a) being a half elf b) being able to use magic but forgetting it because it was during the time her mother got captured c) being Henrietta’s cousin (wtfbbq.) At the end it looked like Saito was taken to some kind of bachelor party in celebration of his knighthood.

Upcoming Attractions: More raburabu scenes between Louise and Saito (hooray 0/)

Zero no Tsukaima III – 04 (originally posted on 07/27/2008)

If you thought JC Staff forgot about fanservice, this episode will prove you on therefore it can be summarized in a couple simple screencaps. Louise was having a dream where she finally got to sexor Saito.

Some random bitch at the school wasn’t happy that a half-elf was enrolled and wanted to make elf soup out of her. Due to the bitch not giving in to Saito’s pleas, they had to take action and fight her “army” which caused a lot of noise.

The noise woke up Louise, and she came down and blew them all up.

She then told the bitch that she’s a fake little shit causing her to cry into Titania’s breasts because she has a big …heart.

While recovering from battle in the hospital, Titania wanted Saito to touch her rack to make sure it’s real. Louise and Siesta walked in on them. Whipping ensues. Just as keikaku.

Upcoming Attractions: The bath scene. Expect more hooters.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 05 (originally posted on 08/04/2008)

Now only if you told this to him in person Louise, I think all our problems would be solved.

You tell them Saito! How dare they feast their eyes on your loli!

So as expected, there was a bath episode. I expected more detailed groping but based on the way this season is going, I guess they’re saving that for the DVDs. I saw mostly fog, but whatever. At least all the mans got their punishment for being treacherous bastards.

And also things were going really really well here:

Until Tabitha the cockblocker woke up and ruined everything. Well not like anyone didn’t see that coming.

But at least afterwards Saito was more than willing to sign that contract, although I LOLed because now Louise also has a “flat chest” rival. Although I really think they brought Tabitha to a new low with this episode ^^; I honestly thought she would possibly be more than just harem fodder but apparently not.

Upcoming Attractions: UGH. YURI. I think I’ll skip a blogging week unless I have to sit through that shit to see some Louise x Saito.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 06 (originally posted on 08/10/2008)

………… This episode sucked ass.

So here’s a picture of some bootleg yaoi to combat all the yuri scenes. The end sucked ass too cause the flying stingray whore came back and is making Tabitha work for her. Bah serious business lame excuse for plot etc.

Upcoming Attractions: Hopefully kissing, between the Louise and Saito kind.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 07 (originally posted on 08/17/2008)

In the words of JP, “This show has become a running boob joke.”

To spare you from watching it, here’s a brief summary. Siesta the big whore challenges Louise to a duel on who Saito will chose between the two. (And they argue about this in bed.) There’s a “costume” ball coming up where people look into a mirror and become their “idolized” persona. Louise orders Saito to “find her” and she will let him “continue where they left off.” Unfortunately for Louise, Henrietta attends this ball too and she changes herself to look like Louise while Louise changes into the body of her older sister. So baka Saito ends up kissing Henrietta (although he thinks it’s Louise until the magic wears off.) Unfortunately Louise catches the two in the act and runs off crying.

In the forest she’s hypnotized by stingray whore and then Saito has a stupid fight with Tabitha. Tabitha quickly changes her mind because no woman in this show can resist Saito’s pheromones.

Afterwards Louise snaps out of it and the stingray can’t take her tsuntsunness so it kicks her off and Saito catches her. Louise tries to protests but he knows how to shut her up.

And then at the end the whore unleashes her army of fugly things which are quickly destroyed by…

Some guy who’s apparently back from the dead. *Cue my boyfriend’s back.* I mean why bother adding plot elements? Just stick with your stupid breast jokes at that seems to waste most of the episode anyway.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 08 (originally posted on 08/24/2008)

Kabitzin was right. She really did revive him with her titties!

An efficient way to catch Saito.

Well that was certainly unexpected and revolting. Kirsche must have a jiji fetish or something. Despite the fact that Louise was being a fucking annoying bitch (well more than usual) this week, thanks to her stupidity (and Tiffania’s magic tools) they were able to find out about Tabitha and her cahoots with the bad guys.

In addition, Tabitha went back to her abandoned shack only to find an elf man who instantly kicks her ass telling her that he was ordered to capture and bring her back. Interesting, I bet he’s somehow related to Tiffania’s tragic life story too.

Upcoming Attractions: Louise is jealous of Saito and the princess. Sigh.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 09 (originally posted on 08/31/2008)

Put some clothes on Filia!

Well I guess adding boobs to Saito wasn’t enough and now they’ve added boobs to Sylpheed (and turned IT into a naked girl.) I also like how the dragon calls itself Tabitha’s sister but clearly as some others have mentioned she looks nothing like her and has a huge rack.

Oh before I forget, in addition to dragon tits they also added some man boob fondling. Why don’t they just call it Titties no Tsukaima?

So since like Saito and company opposed the princess they were thrown in jail. Louise asked Henrietta what she thinks of Saito and why she kissed him at the masquerade ball. Henrietta just responded with “I was lonely and wanted someone to comfort me” so Louise was all like “oh so it coulda been ANYONE? aight bitch I quit being your loyal ass kisser.” And so Louise was thrown into jail too but that made Saito really happy that she finally opposed the royal class stuff that he probably woulda done here in that cell had the other 2 cockblockers not been in there.

In the end as usual Kirsche and her sex slave Colbert saved them and so everyone is now gonna go save Tabitha…who is next in line to take the “soul erasing” medicine. Oh and the biggest kicker as to why that dude is doing it? “He’s bored.” At the end Sylpheed reveals to everyone that she’s the naked big boobed chick and fatty gets all depressed cause he fell in love with a furry.

Upcoming Attractions: Whore pull your skirt down.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 10 (originally posted on 09/08/2008)

This week our heroes decide to play Ragnarok Online.

First up is our swordsman Saito!

Then we have our merchant!

Our clown.

Then we got 2 dancers.

Two female priests.

And then we have our female merchant.

Alright guys time to go kick ass in the War of Emperium save Tabatha!

Other notes of interest were that Louise was told by Siesta that she can’t boss her around as she is no longer loyalty but just a plain old human like herself. With this thought Louise thinks to herself that she now has no one except Saito to rely on. While they are walking through the forest she hurts her leg and tells Saito that she’ll be fine because she’s now alone and she needs to be able to take care of herself. Saito of course being a gentleman for once actually offers to piggyback her and while she act all tsuntsun about it she eventually goes deredere and shuts up.

Also at the end Anrieass goes ape shit after seeing Colbert’s face. Meh not this shit again.

Upcoming Attractions: The dancers perform for the commoners resting in Prontera after battle.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 11 (originally posted on 09/14/2008)

Louise doesn’t only catch Saito’s eyes this week but also the eyes of a flat chest lover erojiji. In addition, Tiffania should probably refrain from doing stage dancing that involves her melons shaking because it looks like it could give her a serious back injury.

So umm Louise decides she doesn’t wanna be left out of the ho brigade so she decides to try the dance thing too. She also suddenly realizes that ecchi Saito is in fact arousing to her so she decides to be a cock tease.

Of course Saito can’t hold his boner in any longer and he’s totally about to mack her…

…until of course we get the usual cockblocking.

By the end of the episode, suddenly elf man changes his mind about fighting them when Tiffania says “he must have a good reason for doing this!” Uhmm okay whatever. Nobody cares about this half assed plot anyway. And so they save Tabitha and Colbert is also freed.

Upcoming Attractions: Stingray whore and her pimp take over, Louise finally gets to do it with Saito (I hope) in the grand finale.

Zero no Tsukaima III – 12 (Finale) (originally posted on 09/21/2008)

So what exactly did this season accomplish? Ah yes, adding Tabitha to Saito’s never ending harem and adding a little more deredere to Louise. If you’ve skipped watching the last couple eps and you aren’t convinced to finish watching this series let me summarize this episode for you in one sentence: Saito & co. fight a big golem created by Stingray whore and they defeat it because Louise gets jealous of Tabitha making out with Saito. The end.

And at the end Louise gets all deredere and makes out with Saito in one of the cabins of that flying ship thing. Then Louise & Saito become Henrietta’s loyal army again and Tabitha latches on to Saito making Louise jealous etc. etc. etc……you get where this is going. Nothing was really resolved, that dude and his whore are probably coming back at some point in season 4. I can’t take much more of this torture, if I am somehow blogging season 4 I’ll have to kick myself in the face.

(“if I am somehow blogging season 4 I’ll have to kick myself in the face.” Looks like it’s kicking time! -jpmeyer)

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