hoisted from the archives: the complete ex-fansubber hitorigoto coverage of zero no tsukaima season one

(In “celebration” of the fact that Zero no Tsukaima will finally end, we’re republishing these old posts so that everyone can reminisce of grabbing tits and being told to shut up. And if you couldn’t tell, I didn’t write these, as I am not a fangirl. -jpmeyer)

Zero no Tsukaima – 02 (originally posted on 07/09/2006)

Manslave Part 2

I love this show !! I feel like I’m about to explode in a firework of fangirliness but I’ll spare the readers (whoever you are ). What makes this show great is the fanservice in it is minimal and used with humor unlike some shows I know *coughtsuyokissahem*. The fact that they use Yuuji and Shana’s voices (or in my case I know her well from Rizelmine) just kicks it even higher for me…and also the fact that it’s been ages since I heard Hayashibara Megumi in an anime. So basically Saito is Louise’s manslave!

That's right manslave, your dinner is on the FLOOR

The episode basically covers how he is treated like a pet (or rather a tsukaima.) He has to eat on the floor, and Louise doesn’t even consider him a “man”. She undresses in front of him and throws her clothes at him as if you were to do it in front of your cat or dog. She even has him on a big leash + chain until he begs her to take it off with the promise that he won’t try running away anymore.

Hi, I have to flirt with you in order for Louise to feel a sense of jealousy so that we may fall in love at the end of this series.

It also appears that the maid girl is a human as well who is working at this magical academy. Why she is working there or how she got there is yet unknown and unlike Saito, she knows her “place in line” lol.

Pwnage time biatches!

The episode basically ends that Saito kicks the ass of the blonde guy who challenged him to a duel because Saito set it up so that both girls that guy was two-timing with caught him in the act. At first as usual Saito gets his ass kicked, then in the end that marking on his arm glows (which reveals his super secret ass kicking powaaa!!) and he pulls the sword (out of the stone ) and defeats the blondie. Louise is slowly starting to warm up to him in more than just a “pet”. I’m awaiting the episode where she gets embarrassed to change in front of him .

Coming next week: Louise and big boobed red head duel over Saito!

Zero no Tsukaima – 03 (originally posted on 07/16/2006)

I promise I won't call you a zero, and I won't say that your boobs are zero and...aw shit!

Saito gets abused part II.

Is she kissing him? I can't tell.

Okay I mean I normally think abusive girls are funny (i.e. Excel and Dokuro) but for some reason I really felt bad for Saito. I mean he got WHIPPED! Like seriously whipped my god it was terrible. What I did like is how he kept going “So you like me….?” and then her getting mad, but then that was followed by the whipping and I’m like “NOo!!!”

Kick...in the face.

The rest of the episode really was dealing with that chick hitting on Saito, and Louise getting pissed. Saito also got himself a new sword that….apparently talks.

Upcoming Attractions: Something to do with the maid chick.


Zero no Tsukaima – 04 (originally posted on 07/23/2006)

Better watch out Louise!

Based on this episode I learned that Maids in this show are:
1. Fragile and weak
2. Like the protagonist
3. Are forced into some kind of sexual act
4. Are saved from doing #3 by the protagonist
5. Will be a rival for the main female of the show

Whatever else I had to write about this episode flew out of my brain because I had to download this stupid episode again just so I could take screenshots. Man why can’t people just stick to DIVX or XVID these days??

Zero no Tsukaima – 07 (originally posted on 08/13/2006)

When I said kiss, I meant on the hand not on the lips you romantic bastard!

This show just cracks me up. I wouldn’t say the last few eps were that good but this one was awesome even though it looked pretty bland from the previews. I mean the beginning of the episode the princess offers Saito her hand to kiss, but of course he kisses her on the lips. Is this what JP meant about Saito getting with every chick in the episode?

And if you call me flat chested 1 more time I'm gonna shove this bottle of wine right up your...!

Louise wastes all the money the princess gave her on Casinos (because she wants to spend time in a nice hotel being a snob that she is) she desperately takes a bar waitress job. The bar is run by a homo xdresser, but he actually has a daughter so maybe in the past he wasn’t a homo xdresser after all? Of course since Louise is an aristocrat, (well one without any money) any guys who call her flat chester or try to touch her get smacked in ways worse than Saito.

Aw Saito you sleeping jerk, look who you got next to you!

Saito doesn’t mind the living conditions because he said they are no different than what he has to deal with back at home. There happen to be some bats in the room they stay and Louise gets scared and ends up sleeping with Saito on the floor. Eventually the owner’s daughter starts to catch on that Louise is an aristocrat, and Saito isn’t her “brother” like they lied they were in the first place. She tries to get him to tell her the truth by being a dirty slut (and increasing Saito’s Harem collection? )

You look so...Tres Bien!

Eventually some rich dude shows up and he’s a bigger perv apparently than any other humans who go to this bar. (Actually he is also an aristocrat like Louise.) Anyway Louise doesn’t know this and tries to serve him but he pisses he off (as usual) and then Saito jumps up to protect her with my favorite quote “No one can touch Louise but ME!” This makes Louise blush but Saito left his sword in his room, so Louise whips out her wand and blows the guy to smitherines. He runs off and leaves a chunk of money and so she wins that “lucky” black maid costume. Unfortunately because everyone found out she is a noble magician, she can no longer be at this bar (as it basically serves only humans.) At the end she puts the maid dress on and it makes Saito so horny he starts speaking French.

Upcoming Attractions: Saito and the maid girl take a bath together, Louise gets jealous, and the Ayanami Rei clone Tabatha’s name is in the episode title.

Zero no Tsukaima – 09 (originally posted on 08/27/2006)

I thought I could stop blogging it but this week’s episode is probably my favorite one of the whole series.

Aw shit.

Okay so last week Louise was tamed by the love potion and is now ready to have Saito’s babies. Saito also discovers from Siesta (? is that her name I forgot) that making love potions is illegal and a magician can get kicked out of the school if they create one. The blonde dude found out that Monmo(something) made it for him and he was all like “You don’t need to make potions to win my love! I’ll give it to you for free!” She claims she made it so that he wouldn’t cheat on her with other women.

Bah they were so close.

Louise is pretty clingy on to Saito because of this. It turns out that the potion will wear off but….they don’t know if it’ll take a couple days, a couple months or a couple years. Saito demands to know if there’s some way to cure her and he gets his way by telling Monmo that if she doesn’t fix Louise, he’ll tell the school master that she created the potion. She promptly agrees to go to the place from last episode that was flooded with water. When Saito comes back, Louise has stripped to only a transparent nightgown (Saito told her to put her panty on at least) and she said that it’s because she’s not sexy enough that Saito has to run off with other women. He gives her a hug and says he’ll bring her back to normal. That night she also complains and begs for him to sleep in the same bed with her rofl. (If only she was always like this…)

Ok ok I love you, now calm down woman.

When they’re at the lake, Monmo summons a water spirit who says that she’ll give them a “piece of her” only if they defeat the people who are “attacking them every night.” That night they wait and see that there’s 2 magicians. Saito & the blonde dude try to attack them but they get their asses kicked. It turns out, the 2 magicians are Tabatha & Kirsche. They said that they have to destroy the water spirit because otherwise the village will continue to be flooded.

Nice 3D effect

Then they come to some kind of agreement and Saito makes a promise to get some kind of a ring that was taken by a magician and give it to the water spirit. That “magician” is actually the mater of that green haired chicke who was sentenced to jail not too long ago (but now has escaped.) Anyway the spirit gives Saito the bottle of “itself” and he uses it to turn Louise back to normal…..normal being she’s a bitch again who keeps whipping him. Apparently, she also has memories of when she was under the spell and all the memories of her being all over Saito. He tells her that she should be mad at Monmo but she’s running after him with a whip.

Gosh I miss the deredere Louise, now the series has become crappy again boo.

Upcoming Attractions: Louise has some old bearded dude hit on her.

Zero no Tsukaima – 10 (originally posted on 09/04/2006)

Man that bearded man loses for 2 reasons:
1. He’s a freaking lolicon.
2. He has a beard and it makes him look even more like a lolicon by adding 20 years to his age.

I’m glad that Louise’s feelings for Saito, and his feelings for Louise are starting to crack so we should see development of that soon…or possibly just because the show ends in 3 weeks. I’ve made some “fake fansub” screencaps (which I translated) that basically cover the important parts of this episode.

In order:

Ya so seriously I wouldn’t mind a love rival, but not this guy because he just looks like an ero-oyaji.

Upcoming Attractions: Louise gets married to the old jiji? I hope not.

Zero no Tsukaima – 11 – YES! (originally posted on 09/10/2006)

OMIGAH FINALLY!!! (see the last image to understand why I’m throwing confetti)

So yea here’s a quick roundup of this week’s episode:

Saito cries because Louise is ditching him for the pedophile and when she tries to comfort him, he just gets pissed because she doesn’t understand his innocent boyish heart, and then she tells him she’s marrying the old fart and leaves.

Louise and the old fart (yes I know his name is Ward but he shall now be known as old fart on this blog) go on a flying boat to Arabia (?) or something to deliver the letter to another blonde dude (but he was kinda hot) from the princess. The blonde dude is a total womanizer and hits on Louise (just kidding) and tells her that it’s his duty to protect this country blah blah blah.

Before Louise can turn around, the old fart grabs her and says he needs her and basically spill the beans that he’s on the bad guys side and the same side as the golem chick. He says they will marry here and when Louise tries to run away, some ugly dude hypnotizes her with a magic ring so that her mind is free but her body is being controlled like a puppet. The old fart forces her to marry him with the blonde dude as the “priest”.

The blonde prince dude of course has no idea Louise is being controlled, the old fart says she’s just “nervous”. When he asks “do you take this man” stuff her hypnotized body says “I do” but inside she’s screaming “someone help me!”. And of course just in time Saito comes barging through the doors and yells “LOUISE!” like in a cheesy American movie. Louise snaps outta her trance and then Saito kicks the old fart’s ass, but not before the old fart can stab and kill the prince dude. He also manages to burn a church and steal the response letter from the blonde dude to the princess. He said he got 2 of his missions accomplished out of 3. The 3rd one was to have Louise.

But the old fart’s efforts were in vain cause we all know LOUISE WANTS TO HAVE SAITO’S BABIES W00t!!!

Upcoming Attractions: Louise gets jealous of Saito getting a bit too friendly with other women…again.

Zero no Tsukaima – 12 (originally posted on 09/17/2006)

See I told you there would be an episode eventually where she was embarrased to be naked around him!

Louise is back to being a tsunderekko because Saito is totally NOT realizing her feelings. So yea Louise is all shy in front of him but he acts like normal, and she gets pissed off at him because he broke the band on one of her panties. She tells him to get out and so….well he does. While he’s outside getting angry, he runs into Siesta who tells him she’s going back to her grandpa’s village and says there’s something there which he used to come into this world.

Saito who is extremely excited about this, asks Siesta if he can go to the village with her. She says it’s okay and the two of them ride off together…right in front of Louise who was planning to apologize to Saito. When they get to the village, Kirsche, that blonde guy, Tabitha and Louise and the sensei all end up meeting them there. Of course Louise’s excuse is she “just wanted to learn more stuff with the teacher” or some crap. In the cave the sword makes fun of them for having a married quarrel ;D.

Anyway it turns out that that “Dragon” is actually an old army jet plane with the “dragon” kanji or whatnot written on it. It was the plane that Siesta’s grandpa used and so Saito explained that her grandpa and himself both came from the same world, Japan. Saito said that’s why he felt a familiar feeling when he was around Siesta. (I guess that means all those chefs are from like other countries or something!) Saito says he knows a way to make it move and asks the sensei for that bottle of chemical that he found…which was actually gasoline. ^^;

Saito gets into the cockpit to check out the controls and he knows them all. (Army Otaku?) Louise is upset (but still acts tsundere) because now there’s a possibility that Saito will leave her. The thing is, he can only leave I think when the moon and the sun line up or something? So he’s gonna wait for that day to fly back to his world. Of course the bad guys have to spoil the fun, and plan an attack on this village…on the same day that Saito is supposed to go back. My prediction for the finale is, he has to go back, but Louise is in danger, so he decides to not go back and instead save Louise and then she stops being tsundere and is all like SAITO I LOVE YOU and they live happily ever after (or she whips him for some random reason.)

Upcoming Attractions: Zero no Tsukaima finale!

Zero no Tsukaima – 13 (Finale) (originally posted on 09/24/2006)

YAYY!!! I’m so happy with the ending ^______^! (even though my left eye is twitching again!!) Louise is being tsundere as usual so when Saito tells her that the time for him to leave is soon she just says how she’s happy for him and he can finally go back to his world. He’s mad that she doesn’t seem “sad” about his leaving and goes to sleep on his haystack. Louise comes home after a meeting about the war and touches Saito’s sleeping face and says “goodbye”. The next morning Saito wakes up with a note (lol) that says “you’re fired.” ^^;

Louise volunteers to help Henrietta fight against Warudo and his goons. Henrietta’s outfit looked …strangely familiar. Anyway in the meantime Saito is getting ready to fly on his plane thing. He successfully launches and with the help of Tabitha’s magic he flies into the air. Tabitha is worried about him flying alone so she follows him (along with Kirsche) on the dragon thing. When Saito flies over the warzone he’s so shocked and angry that he starts using the airplane to shoot fire at the bad guys. Louise sees this and then sees that Warudo is fighting him as well.

She can’t take it anymore so with the help of Tabitha’s dragon, she flies up to where Saito is and jumps down into his plane (using magic so that she doesn’t fall down completely). Saito is surprised that she’s there but she yells in her tsundere way “I can’t leave you like this can I!?” Warudo is still chasing the two of them and at this point Saito is already fresh out of bullets. All he can do is just absorb Warudo’s attacks.

Suddenly that thing on Saito’s hand goes all crazy and like totally takes over Louise’s brain. She gets like this crazy power and basically blows the hell out of Warudo, his ship, and all the bad guys on it. Louise becomes unconscious and Saito basically misses his chance to go back to his world. Oh yea Kirsche, Tabitha & Guiche defeated the chick with the golems. Eventually we see Saito sitting near his crashed plane with an unconscious Louise. She wakes up and calls him an idiot and stupid dog because he missed his chance to go back. But then she goes from tsun tsun to deredere and does this:

And so Saito an Louise live happily ever after…well almost until Louise sees him flirting with Siesta again and well you know what happens. ^^; Well overall I enjoyed the series and recently I downloaded the novels so I’ll start reading those soon.

(Tomorrow: season 2, and—kyah!—kissing! -jpmeyer)

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